After We Fall
by SneetchesToo
Summary: Leanne and Eli were doing just fine on their own. That was until Ethan Willis came into their lives. Now they're doing a little bit better than just fine. *On a temporary hiatus.*
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** After We Fall

 **Author:** SneetchesToo

 **Rating:** General

 **Pairing:** Ethan/Leanne friendship; eventual Ethan/Leanne romance, but it's definitely a slow burn kind of thing

 **Summary:** Leanne and Eli were doing just fine on their own. That was until Ethan Willis came into their lives. Now they're doing a little bit better than just fine.

 **Author's Note:** This is incredibly season 2 AU but I've had this idea plaguing my mind for months now and I had to make something of it. I obviously took some creative liberties here so please be gentle.

—

Ethan had thought his first 24 hours at Angels had gone well, all things considered that is.

He most certainly hadn't planned on jumping on that chopper without so much as a step through the front door. And he most certainly hadn't planned on watching one of Angels senior doctors fall out of said chopper a few hours later.

But the wind had been their enemy that morning and he had been powerless to stop Mike's body from falling back to the beach when the chopper was hit by a gust.

So instead, he had jumped from the bird and straight into the Pacific Ocean and the rest had been history.

He had done everything he could to stabilize Mike and when he had gotten him back to the hospital he had been rather thrown off by the not so nice greeting he had received from the other doctors.

But he understood what it was like to worry about one of your own. So he hadn't taken anything to heart.

He had, however, taken it to heart when Dr. Rorish had tried to steal his patient from him.

But then she had been offering him a look that had sent his heart into this slightly unusual panic and he had been helpless to argue with her.

Her smile had done things to him, that was for sure, and he wanted nothing more than to get to know the woman more.

She, however, didn't seem the least bit interested in his antics, and while it normally wouldn't have bothered him, today, it did.

He was intrigued by her. Drawn in by her. Like a moth to a flame.

And while he may have only known her less than 24 hours, he was already finding himself falling. And fast.

And he silently hated himself for it.

"Woah cool bike mister!" Ethan was broken from his thoughts by the sound of a small child's voice echoing through the otherwise quiet parking lot.

He had finally dragged himself from the confines of the hospital and he was hellbent and determined to make it home before the start of the Dodgers game.

There was a six pack of beer and some leftover pizza calling his name.

And dammit if he didn't need both after the way his day had gone.

"Thanks kid." He turned his attention toward the boy, his eyes softening when brown eyes locked with his from across the parking lot.

There was something about him that was drawing him in and his curiosity was suddenly peaked.

"You're welcome!" The little voice shouted back, his hand waving at him as he continued to eye his bike.

Ethan certainly didn't think there was anything super interesting about his motorcycle, other than the fact that it was incredibly dirty, but for some reason this kid seemed to be so incredibly intrigued by it.

He would be lying if he didn't think it was kind of adorable.

"How old are you kid?" He waved the boy over toward him, wondering if he would dare to come closer to a stranger.

He didn't know where this kid had come from or where he even belonged, or who he even belonged too.

"Almost six." But he came closer without hesitation, stopping next to the bike as he clutched his backpack strap to his shoulder with both hands.

"Almost six? Are you supposed to be out here all alone?" He was guessing the answer was probably 'no', but the boy didn't seem phased by the traffic outside the hospital. In fact, he looked like he belonged there.

"I'm waiting for my mom." His voice was soft as he reached out with one hand, his eyes silently asking for permission to touch the bike.

Ethan simply nodded his head and watched as the boy's eyes widened slightly before running his fingers gently over the body of the black Indian.

"Your mom? Is she a patient here?" He couldn't help but raise an eyebrow when the boy turned his attention toward him and away from the bike.

"No. She works here." He was very matter-of-fact in his response and he couldn't help but chuckle.

He seemed to answer the question like it was a normal part of his routine.

He wondered which doctor or nurse was his mother.

He wondered if his father worked here too.

He had already learned that there were several sets of married, and unmarried, couples amongst the ranks of the hospital.

"Oh cool." He wanted to ask who he belonged too but he refrained, figuring he would find out eventually. "What's your name?"

"Eli." The kid offered him a smile and his eyes were soft when they connected with his.

There was also something eerily familiar about those eyes. Something that he recognized. And it was killing him trying to peg where he had seen them before.

"Well hi there Eli, I'm Ethan." He extended his hand toward the boy and offered him a smile in return.

"It's nice to meet you." Eli shook his hand gently, his eyes returning to the bike in front of them.

"Nice to meet you too." He dropped the boy's hand as he knelt down next to him, his eyes giving him a soft once over as he watched him run his fingers along the handlebar. "You like motorcycles?"

"Yeah. My dad, he used to collect them." His voice was quiet, a far off look in his eyes as he shifted his attention toward him.

"Not anymore?" He wondered if his dad had left, or worse.

"He's dead." He whispered.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." He didn't know that exact feeling, his father having been very much alive the last time he had seen him.

But he had been a kid nonetheless, not much younger than Eli was, and he knew how hard it could be sometimes.

Growing up without a father was never any fun. No matter the circumstances.

"It's okay. It happened when I was still a baby." He shrugged his shoulders as if it was the most normal thing in the world to him. He wondered if he got asked that question a lot. "I don't remember anything about him. But I do still have some of his motorcycle stuff in my room."

"Well that's cool." He watched as the smile returned to the boy's face then. "You ever ridden on one?"

"Are you kidding me?" He guessed that his mother wasn't nearly as open to the whole concept as his father probably would have been. "My mom would lose her marbles if I even thought about it."

"I can totally understand. They're not exactly the safest things for kids." He remembered his mother making a comment to the such when he and Robbie had gone out and bought matching bikes.

She had warned them that they'd never be able to have kids with those things. Especially not if that was their only mode of transportation.

They had both laughed and laughed.

They were never going to have kids. Of that, they were both certain.

"I still like to look at them though." His eyes softened as he stepped around the bike, taking in it's every detail. "It's an Indian right?"

"Nice eye." He was impressed. There were grown men, and women, who couldn't even tell what brand of bike it was.

"My dad had one. My mom sold it last year though." He sounded slightly disappointed and it caused Ethan's heart to flutter. "It wasn't in very good shape."

"That happens sometimes." He wondered if Eli's mother had gotten rid of the bike for other reasons, not just because it wasn't being maintained well.

He remembered his mother ever so slowly getting rid of his dad's belongings after he left them.

He doubted if she still had anything that had once belonged to him.

He got ready to speak again when he heard the door behind them open and he turned slowly on his heels to see who had joined them in the parking lot.

He figured it was probably going to be Eli's mom, judging by the sound of heels on the pavement.

He expected to turn around and see one of the doctor's from upstairs appear behind them. Or maybe one of the receptionists from a wing he hadn't made his way to yet.

But the woman who appeared on the other side of the lot was neither of those two things.

And then it hit him.

The eyes, the smile, the soft brown curls.

There was no doubt in his mind now who the little boy belonged too.

"Elias James!" Leanne Rorish's voice was booming as she hollered her son's name across the small space. "Get over here! You know you shouldn't be talking to strangers."

Eli's head had snapped up at her words and he scampered across the parking lot without a care in the world, stopping in front of her with a big smile on his face.

"He's not a stranger mom, his name's Ethan." He sounded like it was the most normal thing in the world to say to the woman.

Like he hadn't just been busted breaking the rules.

"No." Was all she said in return, her dark eyes shifting from the boys face to his.

He felt like she would surely be setting him on fire if she had the ability to do so.

"Yes. That's his name." Eli turned toward him and offered him a soft smile. "You can ask him if you want."

He returned the smile as he stood and he started to make his way toward them when Leanne held out a hand.

He stopped mid-step and let his shoulders sink downward.

She was having no part of this new found "friendship".

"I don't want you talking to him sweetheart." She knelt down in front of the boy, her eyes softening as she reached forward to cup his cheek.

Ethan couldn't help the shiver that ran through his body at the carefulness of the woman in front of him.

If he hadn't already started falling for her he was definitely going to do so now.

"Why not? He's nice." Eli turned his attention back toward his mother as he spoke and his voice was soft as he defended him to the best of his ability. "He's not creepy or anything."

"Because honey," He was curious to see what kind of excuse Leanne would come up with. She had only known him less than a day. How could she know if he was a good fit for her son, "he's… he's not a very careful person."

"I heard that." He couldn't help the words from leaving his lips.

He really hoped that what had happened to Mike earlier wasn't going to result in him always being hated by everyone here.

It had been an accident. And he had done everything in his power to step in and help.

"Goodnight Dr. Willis!" She shouted back at him, her dark eyes meeting his once again.

"Wait, he's a doctor too!" The excitement in Eli's voice caused him to chuckle and he just shook his head when Leanne rolled her eyes. "No way!"

"Come on Eli, we have to go." She stood then, reaching down to take Eli's hand as she started to walk in the opposite direction of Ethan and his bike.

"But…" Eli was trying his best to protest and Ethan felt for him, and his mother.

Little boys as determined as him were hard to please sometimes.

"Say goodbye Eli." She said softly, stopping in her tracks so that Eli could turn his attention back toward him.

"Bye Ethan!" He waved softly with the hand that wasn't holding his mother's and he offered him a giant smile as he spoke.

"Bye buddy!" He returned the smile, and the wave, and he couldn't help but chuckle softly when Eli turned his attention back toward the woman beside him, his mouth going a million miles a minute as he started racking her brain about Ethan.

He wondered if Leanne would actually tell the little boy anything about him. Not that she knew much.

He just hoped that she didn't tell him that he was a bad guy, or paint him out to be the enemy, because he surely didn't want that.

He may have just met them both, but felt an attachment toward them that he couldn't break.

And he didn't think he would ever want too.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Leanne had been reluctant to get up and go to work today. Especially when she had realized that Eli had climbed into bed with her at some point during the night.

He wasn't prone to doing so, but every now and then she would find him snuggled against her when she awoke in the morning. And it made getting up that much more difficult.

She had pulled herself from the bed with a huff and showered quickly, getting dressed in the dim light of the bedroom, not wanting to wake the sleeping boy by turning the lights on.

But then she had had to disturb him when his alarm went off, and he had groggily trekked down the hall toward his room and gotten ready for the day.

She was thankful for his independence sometimes, at others, she just wanted him to slow down and stop being so grown.

After they had both had a bowl of cereal she had watched him retreat into the den and turn on his morning TV show without so much as a word to her.

She knew that he was a quiet child, and that he could even be closed off around her, but it sometimes hurt that he wasn't as bubbly as some other kids that she knew.

The babysitter had arrived just on time and she had dropped a kiss to her son's head before heading toward her car.

The drive to work nearly drove her crazy in itself.

She would have much rather have enjoyed the day with Eli, even if all they did was stay in bed and watch cartoons.

"You didn't tell me you had a son." She hadn't even set her things down in her office when she heard the soft voice from the doorway.

She let out a sigh. This Colonel Willis hadn't even been here 48 hours and he was already driving her crazy.

Eli had asked question after question about him last night and she had been helpless to answer him.

She knew absolutely nothing about the man, and she was honestly perfectly okay with that.

Her son however, was already smitten, and she didn't know how she should feel about that.

"I've known you less than forty-eight hours." She dropped her purse into the chair behind her desk and turned her attention toward the man behind her. "What on Earth would have possessed me to tell you about him?"

"Just thought it was an important piece of information." He shrugged his shoulders as he offered her a soft glance, his hand extending outward, a cup of coffee in it that she guessed must have been for her.

She stepped toward him then, taking the cup as she offered him a curious glance.

"Important for who?" She knew that she shouldn't be a bitch to him. He was the new guy after all. But there was something about him that was already making her pulse race and her heart flutter in her chest. And she didn't like it, not one bit. "We're not friends Dr. Willis, I don't need to tell you any details of my personal life. Do you understand?"

The man in front of her didn't seem phased by her words and he simply raised an eyebrow as he took a sip from his own cup.

She didn't know why she couldn't take her eyes off of him. But she'd be damned if he thought he was getting anywhere with her.

They were colleagues. They hadn't even known each two days yet.

"He's a cute kid." His comment made her smile though.

"Thank you." She replied softly. "And now this discussion is over."

She moved to walk past him and into the hallway, hoping that he would take the hint and walk away, but he didn't.

Instead, he followed her, a soft smile on his face as he fell into step next to her.

"He's pretty smart too. Knew my bike was an Indian just by looking at it." She wondered just how much of a conversation he and Eli had had, especially considering the boy wasn't one for small talk.

If she was being honest, she was slightly hurt that it seemed that he had gotten more out of her son than she had in a while.

"He knows a thing or two." She was incredibly proud of how smart he was actually. And the fact that he was testing beyond his age in both math and reading made her one proud mama.

But he also had a knack for knowing the most random of things, and motorcycles were certainly up there in his list of things he liked.

"He told me his dad used to have one." Ethan's comment made her stop in her tracks and she felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

Eli never talked about his father. Ever.

And while he had very limited knowledge about the man, he was aware of the fact that he was dead. But that was it.

He didn't know details of the accident.

He didn't know anything about their life before it.

"He did." She whispered.

"He also told me his dad died when he was little." She hated that this man that she knew absolutely nothing about now knew more about her than most people at Angels.

This wasn't looking good for either one of them.

"Before he was born." She felt her hands starting to shake at the memory of the tragedy that had taken her husband and daughter from her.

She had barely been alive herself, and when they had told her when she woke up that they had safely delivered her baby boy she hadn't been able to contain herself.

She still remembered how emotional she had been when Jesse had placed him in her arms for the first time.

How she felt like her whole world had stopped at how tiny he was. His little body barely measuring in at four pounds.

He had been her miracle baby.

Hell, he still was as far as she was concerned.

"I'm sorry to hear that." The Colonel's voice was soft as he gave her a sympathetic look.

She didn't need his sympathy though, and she didn't want it.

Right now she wanted him to leave her the hell alone.

"It's fine. It was a long time ago." She shrugged her shoulders with her words and started walking again.

Jesse had been trying to work with her on talking about what had happened on that rainy autumn night six years ago. But she still wasn't in a place to acknowledge it.

She doubted that she ever would be.

"Six years isn't really that long ago." Ethan hadn't left her alone like she had hoped and she let out a huff when she noticed that he was still beside her.

"Long enough." She breathed out. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. And so do you."

And with that she picked up her pace and left him standing all alone in the hallway, a pensive look on his face as he watched her retreat down the hall.

She knew that he was just trying to be nice.

She knew that he was just trying to make friends.

But she also knew that he wouldn't be around long enough for that to happen.

These DOD guys never lasted. Not a single one of them.

And she doubted that Ethan would be any different.

—

She had gotten home that night only to find that Eli had already gone to bed.

The babysitter didn't seem phased by it though and simply told her that he said he had a headache and that he wanted to sleep.

When Leanne checked on him an hour later he was still out like a light, his stuffed dinosaur tucked under his arm as he snuggled further under the covers.

She had pressed a kiss to his forehead and bid him goodnight before turning in herself.

Her mind still plagued by her conversation with Ethan from earlier in the day.

Her heart still racing at the simple presence of the man by her side multiple times throughout the day.

She hated that he was having this kind of effect on her.

Absolutely hated it.

—

When she awoke the next morning Eli was already up, his dinosaur nestled next to him in the big easy chair in the den as he flipped through his favorite motorcycle book for what was probably the hundredth time.

He had offered her a smile before returning to his reading and when she had mentioned pancakes he had simply nodded his head softly.

She really, really wished that she could find a way to get through to him.

She hated feeling like she didn't even know her own son.

They had eaten in silence before she had left him in the care of the babysitter and he had barely batted an eyelash at her as she left.

She waited until she had gotten to the car to the let the tears start falling down her cheeks.

She hated being like this.

She knew that he was just a kid.

But sometimes she worried that she was missing something and it was slowly tearing her apart.

—

Things had been crazy at Angels that morning and when the babysitter had dropped Eli off at 4:45pm like planned she had let out a huff.

She had forgotten that she was supposed to leave early today so that the girl could get to her class on time.

She had been thankful that no one had been around to see her frustration though, and she had thanked the young girl before escorting Eli into her office and shutting the door.

"Is Ethan working today?" The boy had barely settled himself onto the couch before the words left his mouth and she did a double take.

Now that he mentioned it, she hadn't seen the Colonel at all since she had arrived that morning.

Not that that meant anything, she was certain that he was probably off raising hell somewhere else in the building.

"I don't know sweetheart." She dropped down onto the table in front of him and offered him a soft look.

"Can I see him if he is?" The excitement behind her son's eyes made her heart hurt.

He never seemed that excited to see her.

"Eli…" She wasn't jealous, per say, but it was hard to know that he was so interested in a man that he had barely just met.

"What? I just want to ask him about his bike." He pulled his motorcycle book from his backpack then and flipped through it until he found what he was looking for. He turned it toward her with a giant smile on his face. "I found a picture in one of dad's old books and I wanna know if it's the same kind that he has."

"Eli, Dr. Willis isn't here to be your friend." She hated to be the bearer of bad news because her son had never seemed so excited about something.

She wanted him to have friends.

She just wasn't sure that the middle aged Colonel was the right choice.

"He didn't seem to mind talking to me the other night." She could hear the disappointment in his voice and it broke her heart.

She could tell that he was hoping for a different outcome than she was.

"He was being polite honey, that's what he does." For all his faults, she wouldn't deny that he had some charm.

"Well, if he's polite, than why can't he by my friend?" Eli closed the book a little rougher than she expected and when she looked up to meet his eyes he had stuck out his bottom lip just enough.

He was quite adorable when he pouted, she would give him that.

"Because he's a busy man." She was most certain that Ethan had better things to do than to hang-out with her almost six year old son. "And he won't be here for long so I don't think he's looking to get attached to anyone."

"Where's he going?" The look of sadness in his eyes made her insides twists.

"Probably back to where ever he came from." She had no idea where that was to be honest. Afghanistan would have been her first guess.

"And where is that?" Eli's interest was peaked though and his eyes were sparkling at the thought of learning about some place far away.

She had always wanted to travel with him. To take him to places they had never been.

But she never seemed to have the time.

And it killed her.

"I don't know Eli." She reached out and patted his cheek as she spoke, her pager going off just as she got ready to reassure him that it didn't matter. "Look, I have to get back to work. Just, stay here until I'm done okay? Two hours tops and then we can go home."

"Fine." He huffed out, his shoulders slumping as he settled back against the couch cushions.

She offered him a soft smile before taking off toward the office door, letting it shut gently behind her.

She wished she hadn't had to leave him alone in her office like that. She wished she could have just taken him home right then and there.

But unfortunately work was calling her name and she had to answer.

No matter how badly she didn't want too.

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	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Ethan had had enough of this shift and he wanted nothing more than to go home and drown his sorrows in a bottle of beer. Or two. Maybe three, depending on how poorly the Dodgers game was going at the time.

But he had one last stop to make before he headed out.

And he was dreading it.

Ever since his talk with Leanne yesterday he had wanted to clear the air. To make things a little better.

Especially given how distraught she had seemed when talking about her late husband.

He didn't know anything about the man, and he didn't know anything about how he had died, but his curiosity was peaked.

More than anything though, he wanted her to know that he was there for her if she needed him. Or if Eli needed him. He wasn't about to leave them stranded, even though he could tell that was exactly what she was expecting.

He noticed her office door was shut when he stopped in front of it so he knocked softly, waiting for an answer with his hands cupped in front of him.

But there wasn't one. So he knocked again.

Again, no answer, so he tried the knob, pushing the door open softly as his eyes scanned the room for the brunette woman.

But instead, he saw a miniature version of her staring back at him, and he let out a soft sigh at the sight of the little boy he had only just met.

"Ethan!" Eli's excited scream sent his mind for a whirl.

The kid was awfully excited to see him, especially considering they barely knew each other.

"Hey there." He replied softly, watching as the boy climbed off the couch and ran toward him. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for my mom to get off." His brown eyes stared up at him softly and he couldn't help himself from kneeling down in front of him, his hand reaching out to ruffle his loose curls.

"When's that supposed to happen?" He hadn't seen the woman all day. In fact, he hadn't seen her since she had walked away from him yesterday morning.

"She said she would be done by 5:30." The boy turned toward the large clock on the wall and he could see the sadness in his eyes.

He wondered how often it was that Leanne got caught up in work and the boy had to sit around and wait for her to get off.

His own mother had had the same problem when they were kids.

Except she had worked more than one job to make ends meet.

And they never waited in an office for her, rather, it was always at home.

"That was almost three hours ago." He watched as Eli turned his attention back toward him, his little shoulders shrugging as he blinked his eyes.

"Yeah. She gets busy sometimes." His voice sounded so sad and it broke Ethan's heart.

He just wanted to wrap him up in his arms and hold him tight.

"Let me see if I can find her for you. Hang tight." He squeezed his shoulders gently then before pushing himself into a standing position and heading out the door.

He didn't have to search long though before finding Leanne tending to an obviously unconscious patient.

She looked just as tired as her son and he felt something deep down inside of him ache for them both.

He didn't know why he felt the need to protect them. But that was all he wanted to do right now.

"You know there's a very sleepy looking kid in your office right?" He kept his voice soft as not to gather any unwanted attention by the residents or nurses near by.

Her head snapped up at his words and she met his gaze with angry eyes.

"I know. His baby sitter had class." She snapped at him. "I keep trying to get away but every time I get close something comes up."

"Did he at least eat dinner?" He hoped that the babysitter had fed him before dropping him off. Or that Leanne had stepped away long enough to get him a bite to eat. But something told him that that might not have happened.

"Why are you questioning my parenting?" He hadn't meant to question her like that. It wasn't meant as a stab.

He was simply worried about Eli.

He figured someone should be, especially given the late hour.

"I'm not questioning your parenting Leanne. I'm just curious." He shrugged his shoulders at her as he offered her a soft smile. "Figured the least I could do was take him to get a burger before I head home for the night."

"You are not taking my son to get a burger." The hostility in her words sent a chill down his spine.

He didn't know what he had done to deserve her anger but he wished he could take it back.

He got ready to speak up when Jesse appeared by Leanne's side, his hand going out to rest on her arm as he eyed her softly.

"Everything okay over here?" His question was soft as he shifted his gaze from the woman beside him to the man across from him.

Ethan simply let out a sigh, his head falling forward as he spoke.

"Everything's fine." He whispered. "Just came to check and see if Eli had dinner."

Leanne shot him a deathly look, her face turning red with anger as she glared between the two of them.

"Well Leanne, did he?" Jesse eyed her softly, his body language never faltering despite the evil look in her eyes.

"Yes!" She practically shouted. "Jesus Jesse you know me well enough to know that I know how to take care of my own kid."

"Never said you didn't." Once again, the head nurse didn't even flinch.

He, on the other hand, did.

"And for the record neither did I." He felt the need to point out that he never questioned that she knew what she was doing. At least not out loud.

"Where is Eli anyway?" Jesse shifted his gaze from Leanne's face to Ethan's, and Ethan just shook his head.

He bet that that this would start a fight and he didn't want to be a part of it.

Leanne hated him enough as it was.

For what reason he really didn't understand.

"In my office." She whispered.

He could tell that the fight was leaving her body and he hoped that she wouldn't take it out on him. Or worse, on Eli.

"It's past his bed time." Jesse's statement was soft and simple, yet it sent chills down his spine.

He knew that Leanne and Jesse were close, but judging by the man's knowledge of the boy's sleep schedule, they were closer than he had originally suspected.

"I'm doing the best I can." She sounded defeated in a way that he was entirely to used to and it broke his heart.

Judging by the look that Jesse shot him, he totally understood where she was coming from.

"I was just trying to help." He whispered.

Leanne shot him another look and he let out a sigh, throwing his hands up in the air as he walked away from the pair.

If she didn't want him to worry than he wouldn't.

"Give the man some credit Leanne, I think he's just worried." He heard Jesse say softly.

"Well Eli isn't his to worry about." Leanne snapped back. "And neither am I."

And then they were both out of ear shot and their voices faded as he rounded the corner toward the locker room.

He wanted nothing more than to go back to Leanne's office and sit with Eli until she got done, but he didn't want to start any more drama than he already had.

So instead he had snuck toward the small room, his eyes finding the small boy curled up on his side on the couch, his eyes closed tightly despite the bright light filtering in from the hallway.

He felt his heart clench in his chest as he reached out and gently shut the office door, hoping to provide some peace for the child.

And then he was heading toward the parking lot, his heart heavy and his head pounding.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Leanne had had about enough of Colonel Ethan Willis and his antics.

He was the new guy, first of all.

So she wasn't entirely sure who he thought he was.

But he wasn't going to last long around Angels with an attitude like his.

First he had been hard on Charlotte after she had messed up with the teenage boy's leg.

Then he had almost seemed as if he was going to challenge her after she confronted him about it.

But that wasn't all.

He had asked her about Eli again yesterday. Several times. And she had done her best to blow him off.

But he just kept coming back for more.

He said that he was just curious. That the boy had intrigued him with his knowledge of motorcycles. That he reminded him of a younger version of himself.

She had simply rolled her eyes at that comment and walked away.

He was an asshole. A complete and utter asshole.

And she had had enough.

But then he was stepping in to help her and was offering a 'second set of eyes' and having her back in Center Stage and she was confused.

Sure he seemed nice enough.

But she was starting to wonder if he was too good to be true.

Both as a doctor. And as a man.

"Hey." The sound of the Colonel's familiar voice broke through the silence of her office and she lifted her head, offering him what she hoped was a smile.

After their discussion about Charlotte from the night before she had been avoiding him.

She could feel herself being drawn in to him.

She could feel herself becoming attracted.

And she wanted out.

And fast.

"Can I help you Colonel Willis?" She knew that he hated to be called that so she figured she would just burn him while she could.

"What did I say?" He leaned against the door frame and raised an eyebrow at her. "Drop the Colonel? I'm not some old guy in a wheelchair."

She rolled her eyes at his statement.

He was quite the cocky asshole sometimes.

"Fine, Dr. Willis, what can I do for you?" She knew she sounded pissy, but it was late, and right now she just wanted to get the hell out of dodge and get home to her son.

"I just wanted to apologize for the other night." He offered her a soft smile as he crossed the threshold into her office. "I wasn't trying to question your parenting or step on any toes. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"It's fine." She really just wished that he would leave all this well enough alone.

She didn't need his sympathy or his input, and she sure as hell didn't want it.

"Look, I know it's none of my business," He stopped in front of her desk and cocked his head to the side a bit, his eyes twinkling in the soft light of her office, "what happens with you and Eli…"

"You're right, it's none of your business." And it wasn't.

They weren't his to worry over.

Whether that's what he wanted or not.

"I just… look I was raised by a single mother okay, I get it." His voice was soft and his eyes lightened even more at the mention of his mother. She didn't need personal details about his life. She didn't care where he came from or who he was. And yet, here he was, laying it all out on the line for her. "It was just my mom and my brother and sister and me for as long as I can remember. And I know she struggled, whether she wanted to admit it or not. I just want you to know that you don't have to struggle okay?"

"We're not friends Dr. Willis." She felt herself falling the longer she looked into his blue-gray eyes so she snapped her attention away from him, dropping her eyes down to the paper in front of her. "Why in the world are you sharing any of this with me?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm hoping that maybe we can be friends." She didn't need any more friends. She had Jesse and Rollie and she was doing just fine. "I'd like to get to know you, and Eli, if you'd let me."

"We're fine on our own Ethan." She huffed out.

He let out a sigh as he hung his head for a brief second.

But then he snapped it back up and locked his eyes with hers once more.

She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

Those damn eyes were going to be the death of her.

And she hated it.

"Okay. Well, if you change your mind." He shrugged his shoulders with his comment, his smile returning slightly as he spoke. "You know where to find me."

"Thank you, but again, we're fine." In reality, they weren't fine.

She was struggling to connect with her son, to get through to him.

She was struggling to connect with herself if she was being honest.

They had just kind of glided through life the past six years. Not much drama, no issues, no nothing.

But now that Eli was in school and was being exposed to the world around him, he was changing.

Leanne had thought it would be good for him.

Instead, he seemed more lost than he was before.

"I just…" He shook his head, sending his normally perfect hair astray atop his head and she couldn't help but swallow. He was extremely good looking and she couldn't deny that. No matter how much she wanted too. "I know what it's like okay."

"I highly doubt that." She whispered.

He wasn't the one who had lost his spouse and older child in a car accident.

He wasn't the one who spent almost six months in the hospital recovering. His child wasn't the one who spent just as much time in the NICU, barely holding on.

He wasn't currently raising a detached son all on his own.

No, in fact, he wasn't even close to either of those.

So she doubted that he had any idea what it was really like.

"Well… I'm here." He shrugged once more, his hands going to his scrub pockets as he stood there and stared at her. "For both of you."

She shook her head and got ready to speak when his pager went off, and then so did hers.

She was honestly praying that she would have gotten out of there before that happened.

"I got it." He said softly, his eyes locking with hers as he nodded his head. "You head home. I'm sure if you leave now you can sneak in a story before Eli heads to bed."

And then he was turning on his heel and heading for her office door.

She watched as he retreated, his shoulders slumped and his pace slow.

She wondered why he felt the need to be so attached to them.

They had barely spoken in the two months he had been here. They knew nothing about each other.

And yet, he seemed drawn to her, and Eli.

She didn't understand it, and to be honest, she didn't know if she liked it.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Ethan was exhausted. Downright exhausted.

And after the night he had had, he shouldn't still be standing.

And yet, here he was.

Thirty-six hours into what was supposed to be a fourteen hour shift.

And all he wanted to do was to go home, have a beer, or five, and pass out.

He had contemplated what he would have for breakfast when he thought he would get to leave earlier.

But then breakfast had turned into lunch. And now it was starting to turn into dinner.

He was fairly certain that that one taco he had managed to squeeze in before Anita's body had been dumped on them was going to start losing it's momentum here soon.

"Got a second Dr. Willis?" His eyes snapped up when he heard Charlotte's voice from across the waiting room and he shrugged his shoulders before dropping the chart in his hand's onto the nurse's station.

"What's up Dr. Peele?" He really hoped that she wasn't giving him another patient.

This whole being on prohibition thing may have been working for Campbell, but he was getting tired of having to babysit the girl.

"I got a patient for you." He let out a sigh as he made his way toward her, his hands reaching out for the chart. "Five year old kid. Fell at school and broke his arm. I know he just needs a cast but I can't even order him a x-ray."

He could hear the frustration in her voice and he totally understood.

It was kind of silly that she couldn't even treat a broken arm.

"I got it." He watched as she offered him a smile before heading off in the direction of the waiting room.

Letting out a soft huff, he flipped the chart open and let his eyes scan the page, stopping in his tracks when he saw the name in front of him.

Eli Rorish.

He let out a sigh. Leanne wasn't going to like this.

He turned toward the nurse's station, his eyes locking with Eloise's as he held up the file.

"Have you seen Dr. Rorish?" He knew that she should be the one to handle this.

That if she got wind that he was handling Eli's injury she would probably lose her mind.

"She's in a meeting." Eloise didn't skip a beat and he huffed once more.

He had no choice now. Eli needed to be seen and Leanne was just going to have to live with it.

—

He had stalled for a few minutes before heading toward the curtain that Risa pointed him toward. And when he pulled the object back he saw what had to be the most pitiful looking sight he had ever seen.

Eli was laid back on the bed. His brown hair a mess against his forehead. His cheeks stained red with tears.

He was cradling his left arm to his chest and his eyes were closed. But Ethan could tell by his tense body language that he wasn't sleeping.

He turned toward the young woman standing next to the bed and extended his hand.

"I'm Dr. Willis." He said softly.

He watched as Eli's eyes shot open and a giant smile came over his face.

"Ethan!" He certainly seemed to cheer up at the sight.

"Hey there buddy." He shook the woman's hand without even getting her name, but he honestly didn't care who she was. He figured she was the babysitter that Leanne had mentioned once or twice. "What happened here?"

"I fell at school today." Eli's voice was soft as he sat up on the bed and offered Ethan a sad look.

"The nurse said she called his mom, but there was no answer." The woman piped in and Ethan gave her a once over. He was honestly surprised that she spoke. "They gave him ice and wrapped it up. But he's been complaining of the pain getting worse and he wouldn't let me touch it. I figured it was better to be safe and bring him here in case something was broken."

"Smart girl." He nodded his head in her direction before turning his full attention to the boy in front of him. "Mind if I take a look?"

"No. Just be gentle." He could tell that Eli was scared and he hated it.

"I will." He took his arm gently in his hands and gave it a quick exam before setting it down gently in the boy's lap. "Well pal, it is definitely broken. I'm gonna send you up for an x-ray just to be safe, but you're gonna need a cast."

"Mom's gonna be so mad." He whispered.

"She's not gonna be mad Eli." The babysitter reached forward and brushed his hair aside, offering him a soft smile. "She'll be thankful that you're okay."

"You made the right call bringing him here." He offered them both a soft smile before opening up the chart in his hands and jotting down some notes. "I'll get a nurse to take you guys upstairs and I'll meet you back down here in thirty minutes to get that cast on."

Eli simply nodded his head before laying back against the pillow once more.

"You let them know if you need me okay pal?" He couldn't help himself from reaching out and cupping his cheek gently against his palm.

"Okay." Eli's voice made his heart hurt.

He remembered being that young and getting hurt at school one time.

He remembered sitting in the waiting room of the hospital with his gym teacher for almost four hours before his mother was able to get away from work.

It had probably been one of the scariest things he had ever gone through.

He could only imagine what Eli was feeling right now.

"I'll be back in a bit." He ruffled his hair a little, earning himself a small smile, before he turned and made his way out the curtain.

He had wanted to stay and take the kid upstairs himself.

He had wanted to pull him into his arms and comfort him as much as possible.

But he knew that he needed to do his job the right way, whether it was Leanne's kid or not.

Or rather. Because it was Leanne's kid.

And not his.

—

After leaving Eli he had gone out in search of Leanne once more.

But Eloise said that she was still in her meeting.

And he had other patients to tend to too. So he had simply shot her a text once he had looked over Eli's x-ray and come to the conclusion that it was indeed broken.

Clean through. In two places.

No wonder the kid was miserable.

Eli had been excited to see him once more and he had helped him get his brand new neon green cast on his arm.

He had then given him some Motrin and promised him that he would call to check on him that night.

And then the babysitter was carrying him back out the hospital doors and toward the parking lot, his eyes heavy as he waved 'goodbye' with a sleepy smile.

He was fairly certain that he was asleep before they even made it to the car.

—

After Eli had left he had returned to his rounds, checking in on his patients from the night before.

He had still been struggling with what had happened with Janie earlier. His mind still reeling at the possibilities of what it could mean.

He partially wondered if he was losing his damn mind.

Or if the lack of sleep and overdosing of caffeine was finally taking it's toll on him.

But then Dr. Nolan had found him in the lobby and reassured him that these things happened.

And while it didn't necessarily make him feel any better, he was thankful to know that he wasn't alone in what he had witnessed earlier that day.

After their chat he had retreated to the locker room, his body, and mind, finally deciding that it was time to call it quits.

"I heard you treated Eli earlier." Leanne's soft voice broke through the silence of the small room just as he had pulled his t-shirt over his head, his scrub top falling to the floor as he turned toward her.

"Yeah. Broken arm. Clean as could be." He figured she probably already knew that, but he was honestly so tired that he didn't know how or what to say to her at this point. "I put the cast on myself. He'll be fine in a few weeks."

"Thank you." She whispered.

"You're welcome." He whispered back.

He didn't know why this situation was making him feel so uncomfortable.

Maybe it was the small space.

Maybe it was the fact that she had probably just seen him shirtless.

Maybe it was the fact that she had traded in her own scrubs for jeans and a flannel shirt.

Her casual outfit and loose curls doing him in.

"He's a brave kid." And he meant it. Eli hadn't cried one bit, at least not while he was taking care of him, and that was pretty impressive given the fact that he knew he was in pain. "Barely flinched and never shed a tear. You should be proud."

"He likes to try and be tough." She said softly.

He wondered how tough they both were.

He figured probably not as tough as they both put on though.

"He seems pretty tough to me." And he meant it. "I've had a break like that before, hurts like a son-of-a-bitch."

"I'm sure he'll milk it for all it's worth once I get home." She had a small smile on her face and he chuckled.

He bet Eli was quite the schemer when he wanted to be.

His mother was a pretty good one as it was.

"As he should." He nodded in her direction as he grabbed his leather jacket, sliding his arms into the sleeves as he watched her.

She was shifting from foot to foot and he could see her hands twisting together in front of her.

She was nervous about something but he didn't know what.

"I'm sorry for the way things started off between us Ethan." Her words surprised him. He never in a million years expected an apology from her. "I know that you never meant any ill will toward me, or Eli."

"It's okay. I get it. Trust me." And he did get it.

He understood her wariness toward strangers, especially when it came to her son.

He understood her not wanting to let someone in.

He totally understood it.

He just wished that it was different.

"You said your mom raised you alone?" Her question was quiet and her eyes were soft and he felt himself falling even more.

The fact that she remembered that tidbit made his heart swell.

"Until I was in high school." He closed his locker behind him and grabbed his helmet, motioning for her to walk with him. He was shocked when she complied, stepping through the open door as he held it open for her. "She remarried when I was a senior and my brother was a freshman."

"Well she did a pretty good job." Another shocking confession. "She should be proud."

"She is." At least he hoped his mom was proud.

He smiled softly when Leanne fell into step next to him, their legs carrying them both in the direction of the parking lot.

"She's still alive?" She paused as he opened the door to the lot for her, offering her a smile as she stepped through.

"Lives in Oregon with my step-dad." He followed behind her, stopping when they got to his bike. "They own a farm, got a bunch of horses and some goats."

"Sounds nice." Her voice sounded tired and he remembered that she said that she had been here almost as long as he had, if not longer.

He wondered how much sleep she was running on.

Probably less than him judging by the look in her eyes.

"Yeah." He offered her a soft smile as he climbed onto the bike, swinging his backpack over both shoulders.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She almost sounded hopeful and it made him weak in the knees.

"I'll be here." He gave her a big smile then, his heart fluttering in his chest when she returned it.

He was falling, so very fast, and he couldn't help himself.

"Goodnight." She whispered.

"Night." He whispered back.

And then she was gone, her legs carrying her toward her car without so much as another word.

He wanted to follow her.

He wanted to ask her if she wanted to have dinner. If she wanted to maybe grab some take-out and head back to her place. If she would mind if he spent some time with Eli, if maybe they could watch a movie together.

But he knew better.

Because he knew that no matter how hard and fast he was falling for her, that she wasn't falling for him in nearly the same way.

And it killed him.

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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 ("Angels and Demons")**

Ethan had never been a fan of Halloween. At least not in his adult years.

It's not that he didn't like it per say, he just didn't care so much for the gore and the horror.

He saw enough of that on a day to day basis while in the Army. And then just as much so once he had started working in hospitals more regularly.

He could go without the 'thrill' of blood and guts.

He got enough of that as it was.

And after having spent the night trapped at the theater with Amanda and Ian, he was definitely over Halloween for good.

He had been thankful when he was able to save them both. And after having gotten them settled at Angels he had made his way downstairs, Heather at his side, only to find out that everyone at the hospital was having a worse night than he was.

Jesse had informed them quietly of Charlotte's death. Of how the girl had been shot trying to protect a young patient. Of how she had died in Center Stage with her friends by her side.

Ethan's heart had broken in two when Jesse told him how Leanne had been so upset about it. About how she had cried as she called the girl's time of death.

But then he had told him that Eli had been there for the whole thing. That he had witnessed the shooting and that he had hid under a chair while a drug-raged gunman shot up their waiting room.

He felt like he was going to throw-up at the nurse's words.

He knew that something like that could traumatize a kid. That it could surely break his already fragile soul.

He had driven home with tears in his eyes, contemplating over and over again if he wanted to stop at Leanne's before going to his place.

But then he realized that it was almost midnight and that they were both surely already in bed and he had refrained.

Instead, he had taken a quick shower and thrown on his pajamas before grabbing his phone and dialing Leanne's number without a second thought.

"Ethan?" She sounded groggy and he could hear the sadness in her voice as well.

It nearly broke him in two hearing her so down and out.

"Hey." He said softly, falling back against the pile of pillows on his bed. "Sorry to call so late."

"It's okay. Is everything alright?" She sounded downright exhausted and he hoped that he hadn't woken her.

He would never forgive himself if he had.

"I just wanted to make sure you guys were okay." He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. He wanted to be with them more than anything right now but he knew that it wasn't his pace. "I heard what happened to Charlotte. Jesse said that Eli was there, that he saw what happened. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. That you were both okay."

"We're okay. I promise." He could tell that she wasn't telling him the entire truth and he started to panic.

"No injuries?" He knew he had no right to worry, but dammit, he couldn't help himself.

"No injuries." She whispered softly, and he let out a sigh.

Thank God for that.

"Did he get to go trick-or-treating?" Leanne had told him yesterday how incredibly excited Eli had been to get to go trick-or-treating that year.

Apparently he had been sick last year and had missed all the excitement.

He was even more thrilled knowing that his mom was taking him this year.

No ifs, ands, or buts about it according to her.

"No." He could hear the regret in her voice. "But after tonight, I don't know how much fun he would have had."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He wished the kid hadn't had to miss out on the fun.

As much as he may have disliked the holiday himself, he would have loved to have taken the boy out and watched him get his candy.

"Mommy…?" He heard Eli's voice in the background and he felt a smile come across his face.

He had barely gotten to know the kid and he was already smitten.

"Hey sweetie." Leanne's voice was so soft and it made his insides flutter. He only ever heard her talk like that when it was with Eli. And boy did it do things to him. "What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep." He heard the boy moving around on the other end of the phone and he could only imagine that he was probably crawling into bed with his mother. "Who are you talking to?"

"Ethan." He was so glad that she had finally started calling him by his name and not his title. "Wanna say 'hi'?"

"Hi Ethan." Eli's voice was sleepy and he could only imagine that the kid had to have been beyond tired.

"Hey pal." He opened his eyes and stared up at the ceiling, his body relaxing at the sound of the boy's voice. It was good to hear that he was doing somewhat okay. "How you feeling?"

"Sleepy." He let out a soft chuckle at his response.

"Yeah. I heard you had a crazy night." He didn't know if the boy would say anything to him about it or not, but it was certainly worth a shot.

He knew that he was pretty quiet, pretty reserved and distant at times.

He doubted he would be any different with him.

"Yeah." Eli said softly. He heard him let out a yawn and he felt his heart melt.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to go trick-or-treating." He wished he could make it up to the kid. That there was something he could do to make it better.

He made a silent promise to himself that he would think of something.

Even if he had to go buy him a bunch of candy himself.

"It's okay." He knew that it wasn't exactly okay, but he also knew that Eli was trying to be brave.

That's just who Eli was.

Just like his mother.

"What was your costume?" He didn't remember Leanne mentioning to him what the boy was going to dress up as, but he bet he looked adorable nonetheless.

"I was Hawkeye, from the Avengers." He could picture it now, it was the perfect costume for the kid.

"Aw man, he's my favorite." He wasn't a big comic book fan, but he wasn't lying when he said that Hawkeye was his favorite.

Robbie's had always been Thor.

He was pretty certain they had dressed up as them for Halloween one year. Back before the Avengers were even really a thing.

"Mine too." Eli whispered.

"Well hopefully you can show me your costume sometime, huh?" He would have loved to have seen him all dressed up. He bet he was the cutest Hawkeye out there.

"Yeah." He could hear him practically falling asleep on the other end and he let out a soft sigh.

"Why don't you try and sleep okay? We can talk later." He wanted the boy to rest, just like his mother should be doing as well, and he hoped that if he promised a conversation at a later point in time that he would turn in for the night.

"Okay." He let out another yawn and Ethan could just picture him snuggling into Leanne, his eyes closing as he started to doze off. He felt his heart seize in his chest at the image. He wished he could be there with them both right now. "Goodnight Ethan."

"Goodnight Eli." He whispered.

"I'm gonna go and see if I can get him to sleep." Leanne's voice came over the line quickly and her voice was quiet and full of sleep.

"Okay. Call me if you need anything." He meant it too. Anything at all that they needed and he would be there for them. No questions asked.

"I will." She said softly.

"Nighty night." He whispered his phrase to her as a small smile came over his face.

He bet she was rolling her eyes at him.

She always did when he said that.

"Nighty night." She whispered back. And then the line was dead and he was listening to nothing but silence.

He tossed the phone onto the bed next to him and he let out a sigh.

He missed them so much it hurt.

And they weren't even his to miss.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 ("Hero Complex")**

Leanne was exhausted, as exhausted as could be, and she just wanted to go home and curl up with Eli and sleep the weekend away.

But then Campbell had come at her in the hallway, carrying on about how this Colonel Willis was bad news and how they had to get rid of him and a bunch of other nonsense that she didn't quite understand.

She had nodded her head as he spoke, but his words weren't really sinking in.

Not when she knew that he was overreacting and that Ethan wasn't really as bad as they had all originally thought he would be.

Especially her.

In fact, she had grown quite fond of the man over the past five months.

And she would be lying if she said otherwise.

Campbell had blown past her in a huff and headed back toward Center Stage and she had just let out a breath of relief when she realized he was gone.

He could be a decent man when he wanted too.

But he could also be the vain of her existence when he tried.

Sighing to herself she started to head toward her office when she remembered the conversation that she had had with Ethan earlier that day.

She had asked if she could help and he said that he didn't think so, not with this one, and it had startled her a little.

They had started to rely on each other for support when it came to issues at work.

She wondered why he wasn't willing to open up to her about this one.

So she did an about face and went in search of the man in question.

—

She had almost given up on finding him when Jesse had gestured toward the stairwell to the roof and that's when she remembered his fondness for the location.

She had said a silent 'thank you' to the head nurse before heading up, her hands shaking slightly as she contemplated what exactly she would say to him.

Sure they had established that they were friends at this point.

And she respected him, liked him even, but she didn't know if they had reached a point where her seeking him out like this was okay.

She figured he wouldn't hesitate to let her know if it wasn't though.

Pushing the door to the roof open she let out a breath when she noticed him leaning against the edge on the far wall.

She quietly made her way toward him, stopping to lean against the low wall beside him, a small smile on her face.

"Took you long enough to find me." He whispered.

He looked exhausted, almost as exhausted as her, and she could tell that he had been crying at some point.

It made her heart hurt to see the normally strong man in such a vulnerable situation.

"I was dealing with Campbell." She said softly, her eyes scanning over his face as he let out a sigh. "He's in quite a mood tonight."

Not that Campbell wasn't always in a mood.

But tonight, it was different.

It was focused and it was controlled and it was aimed at one person and one person only.

Ethan.

"Yeah, that's probably my fault." His voice was soft and she could tell that he was struggling to put words together.

"He told me about what happened with Whitney." She hadn't been paying full attention to what the ER director was saying, but she had gotten the gist of it. "He's rather upset."

"I already apologized to him." Ethan let out a sigh as he let his head drop downward, his arms falling to the edge of the wall as he leaned forward.

"What happened?" She didn't know if he would tell her the truth.

She didn't know if she wanted to know the truth.

Not with the way Campbell had talked about it.

"She wanted to die, Campbell didn't want to let her." She could sense that there was more to the issue than that.

"But you did?" She felt like she may have been poking a sleeping bear and she hoped that she wouldn't wind up regretting it.

"Did I want her to die? No." He turned his attention toward her for the first time since she'd come up and she saw a sadness in his eyes that did her in. "Did I think that she had every right to make that call and not Campbell? Yes."

"Why's that?" She wanted to reach out and touch him.

She wanted to pull him into her arms and hold him close.

She wanted to take away whatever pain was plaguing him.

But this wasn't the place or the time, and he wasn't hers to save.

"Look, my sister got sick when we were kids." She had heard him mention his sister once or twice, but not nearly as much as he mentioned his brother. She had been wondering what mystery there was to her. "She died when she was 16, but frankly, that was entirely too long of a life for her."

"Cancer?" She felt horrible at the thought.

Sure she had lost a child, and a husband, but to lose a sibling.

That was a loss like no other.

"Brain tumor. They removed it twice." She let out a breath that she didn't know she had been holding. "She wanted to give up, but back then there wasn't a way out like there is now. If my sister had had the option, she would have ended things and she would have done so before she was so miserable that she couldn't even speak."

"How long was she sick for?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer to that question.

"10 years." He whispered.

She could see the tears forming in his eyes once more as he turned away from her.

"I'm sorry Ethan." She reached out and laid a hand on his arm.

She couldn't resist offering him some sort of support. She just had to.

"I just, I understood Whitney's plight. If Grace had been allowed to make those choices, if she had been in control of her body, she would have let go and things would have been easier." She couldn't imagine how hard that must have been. To watch his sister suffer and not be able to do anything for her. "Not just for her, but for all of us as well."

"How old were you when she died?" She wondered if Grace had been older or younger. If Ethan had lost a friend as well as sibling.

"16." He choked out.

His hands were shaking as he wiped them across his face quickly.

She figured he probably wasn't one to cry in front of others.

She guessed that maybe she was privileged to have been allowed to see him like this.

"You were twins?" Her heart broke even more in her chest.

"Yeah." That kind of connection, it was intense.

She couldn't even imagine what that had to feel like.

"I'm… I'm sorry doesn't seem like enough." And it didn't, but she didn't know what else to say.

"It's okay. It is what it is." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke, his body straightening back up as he let out a sigh. "I just wish more people realized that the person who's suffering should be the one allowed to make the choices about what happens to them. Grace, she was always wiser and more mature than her age. She knew at 12 that there was no beating what she had. She knew that she wasn't going to live to see 18. She should have been allowed to end it before things got so bad."

"I agree." She couldn't help but agree with him. She had seen so many patients fight when there was no fight left and she understood completely the desire to end things on one's own terms. Especially if there was no way out.

"I know Campbell's mad, because he thinks that everyone should keep fighting." She figured Campbell was just pissed because he was an asshole and he wasn't the one in charge of something for once. "But sometimes, there is no winning a fight. Some fights you just have to lose."

"He's a complicated man." That was an understatement if there ever was one but she didn't know what else to say.

"He's an arrogant asshole is what he is." Ethan huffed out, his eyes closing briefly as he gathered himself back together.

"That too." She couldn't help but smile slightly. She couldn't agree with the man more.

"I take a lot of pleasure in pissing him off." He whispered.

"So I've noticed." She was silently thankful for that too. And she knew she wasn't the only one.

Campbell was a hard-ass, and his attitude wasn't suited for emergency medicine. She took pride in being able to put him in his place and she knew that Ethan did too.

"I'm gonna get going." He said after a minute of silence. "It's late."

"Yeah. I should head out too." She didn't really want to go now.

Sure she wanted to get home to Eli.

But she also wanted to stand on the roof with Ethan, even if they didn't speak.

At this point, she found herself just wanting to be near him.

"How's Eli?" His question startled her from her thoughts.

His concern for her son still confused her.

But she was starting to realize that he was a much softer man than he let on.

"He's good. He should be in bed by now, I hope." She hoped that he hadn't given the sitter a hard time about going to bed, again.

He had reached that age where bedtime was a daily struggle and she hated it.

Especially when she wasn't able to be there to try and help.

"Tell him I said hello." She knew that Ethan cared about the boy, for what reason she wasn't sure, but she appreciated that he seemed to want a connection with him.

Five months ago the idea had terrified her.

Hell, three weeks ago the idea had terrified her.

But she had gotten to know Ethan quite well and she was no longer as fearful of his presence in their lives as she had been.

"I will." She whispered.

"Nighty night Leanne." He pushed himself up and off the wall, heading toward the door to the stairwell.

She couldn't help but smile at his words.

She had grown quite fond of his obnoxious version of 'goodnight'.

"Nighty night Dr. Willis." She called back.

She watched as a smile came across his face before he turned around fully and made his way through the door.

She let out a sigh as she watched him retreat into the small space.

She was falling, fast, and she didn't know whether or not she wanted to make it stop.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 ("What Lies Beneath")**

Leanne was having a bad day.

No, scratch that, she was having a horrible day.

First, Ethan had gone and made the decision to get himself held hostage on a Russian submarine.

Then, she had an ER full of inmates who caused complete and utter chaos.

She had panicked when they had lost Jackie and she had struggled to keep it together when Heather had said her time of death.

But then she had walked into her office a few hours later, completely prepared to pack her belongings and leave for the day, only to have Damien press a blade against her neck.

She had done her best to stay logical and in control.

She had done her best not to panic about what would happen to her son if that psychopath had killed her right there.

She had done her best not to wish that Ethan was there to save her.

But she had somehow managed to do all three.

And after they had gotten him stabilized and she and Heather had had it out, she had wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of dodge and run home to her son.

She had been half way to her car when the helicopter carrying Ethan and Campbell had landed on the roof and she had shot Ethan a text, asking him to meet her downstairs immediately.

She had to see that he was okay with her own eyes.

She had to know that he was fine and that he hadn't been hurt.

He had appeared at her side fifteen minutes later, his eyes heavy and full of rage.

She guessed that he probably had just as bad of a day as her.

"I got your text." His voice didn't match his eyes though, and she knew that he was being gentle because it was her. "Is everything okay?"

"I just…" She let out a sigh. She was still panicked from that morning and she couldn't quite seem to string words together.

"You're hurt." He whispered.

His hands were on her skin before she knew what was happening and she took a deep breath at the contact.

It was the first time he had touched her like that.

In a way that was almost intimate.

And it both scared and excited her.

"It's just a scratch." She whispered back.

She closed her eyes as he ran his thumb along the bandage, his fingers curling gently around her neck as he tilted her head back a little.

"You got stitches." He said simply. "Doesn't look like just a scratch."

"I'm okay." And she was okay, physically anyway, maybe not in the other ways that probably mattered to him just as much.

"You should be at home." His hand was still on her neck as he spoke and she let out a sigh.

He really shouldn't be touching her like that.

"I was headed there when I saw the chopper land." His fingers had tangled themselves in the hair at the base of her neck and she was losing it. She really wanted him to stop touching her. "I wanted to make sure you were okay first."

"Me? I'm fine." He let his thumb brush over the injured spot once more before pulling his hand back, stuffing it in his pocket as he spoke. "No worries here."

"I heard things got dicey." She whispered.

"They did, but we made it out okay." His eyes betrayed his words once again.

She knew something had gone down that he didn't want to discuss.

And she certainly wasn't going to push him.

"Okay." She said softly. Her phone buzzed her in her hand and that's when she realized that she should have been home ten minutes ago. "I've got to go."

"Okay." He looked disappointed but she knew he wouldn't say anything. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She simply nodded her head as she stepped back from him, her body instantly feeling strange without him so close by.

She really needed to stop doing this.

She really needed to stop getting attached.

"Bye Ethan." She called as he started to retreat.

He didn't say anything back, instead he just waved his hand in her direction and headed toward his bike.

She hoped that he wasn't mad at her. That she hadn't done something wrong.

He was normally much friendlier when it came to her.

Letting out a sigh she headed to her car, her eyes lingering on his bike as she watched him pull out of the lot and head away from the hospital.

—

Eli was waiting for her when she got home and she couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle when he came bouncing down the sidewalk toward her.

He had been a much happier boy the past few weeks and she had a feeling it had to do with his slightly regular conversations with Ethan.

While they hadn't seen each other since Ethan had put the cast on his arm six weeks ago, they did talk on the phone a few times a week.

She had been hesitant at first, but she figured there was no harm in letting him have a friend.

"I saw Ethan on the news today mommy!" She stopped in her tracks at the boys words.

She wondered what exactly the kid had seen and why he seemed so excited about it.

"You did? How?" She was praying that it was innocent.

Maybe a side shot of Ethan and Campbell leaving the submarine earlier.

Maybe a picture of him with some mention about him being a hero.

"He was on a submarine. He saved someone's life." She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"That's what he does baby." She said softly.

She kneeled down in front of the boy as his eyes lit up.

"He was wearing a military uniform. Is he a soldier?" She didn't know why that idea seemed to intrigue Eli so much.

He had seen soldiers before. Plenty of times.

This was Los Angeles after all.

"He's in the Army, yes." She watched as a smile broke out across his face.

"That's so cool." She nodded her head softly.

She wasn't sure how 'cool' it was to be a soldier in today's world.

She figured that that had nothing to do with why Ethan had joined the military.

"I'm sure that's exactly why he joined honey." But she was willing to humor the boy.

"Mommy?" Eli's voice was soft as he reached up and cupped her cheeks in his hands.

She would never get over how incredibly gentle he was.

"Yes Eli?" She offered him a soft smile, hoping that whatever his question was wouldn't throw her for too much of a loop.

"Could Ethan come over for dinner sometime?" It wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it certainly knocked her off balance a little.

"Why would you want him to come over for dinner?" She didn't understand her son's obsession with the man.

Except, maybe she did.

"Because he's my friend." She knew that Eli didn't have many of those, so she felt her heart swell at the mention of the Colonel being just that.

"I'll ask him Eli, but I make no promises." Eli simply nodded his head at her words but his smile never faded. "He's a busy man."

"Okay mommy." And then he was pulling away from her and bouncing back toward the house.

She let out a sigh as she replayed his question over and over again in her head.

She didn't know how she was going to manage to ask Ethan to have dinner with them.

She could barely stand to be in the same space with him lately without wanting to devour the man.

—

The next morning she ran into Ethan as she was walking in from the parking area and she figured that that was as good of a time as any to bring up Eli's proposal.

"Eli is very insistent that you come over for dinner sometime." She said softly.

She watched as he slowed his pace, allowing her to catch up to him, and she took note of the smile on his face.

She guessed that he was maybe in a better mood than he had been in yesterday when they had said their goodbyes.

"Is he now?" His question was soft as he shifted his eyes in her direction.

"I told him that you were busy, but he's insisting." Eli had continued to insist all night in fact. And all morning.

They had almost been late for school because he was so persistent that she call Ethan immediately and ask him.

"I would love to have dinner with you guys." He sounded so incredibly sincere and she felt her heart flutter in her chest. "But you don't have to cook if you don't want. We can go out, or I can cook. I don't mind."

"You cook?" She was shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth.

He certainly didn't strike her as the type.

She figured he probably lived off of take-out and frozen pizza.

"That I do." He winked at her as he spoke and she felt a chill run through her body.

He was going to be the death of her.

Of that she was certain.

"Is your house even safe for a child?" She had never been to his place, not once. In fact, she didn't even know if he lived in a house or an apartment.

"Well I mean I wouldn't leave him to his own devices there, but yeah, it's safe for dinner." He chuckled as he spoke and she couldn't help the smile that came across her face.

"You don't have too Ethan, I just promised him that I would at least ask." She didn't want him to feel obligated to do anything.

She knew that he liked Eli and she knew that he didn't mind spending time with him, but she didn't want him to feel like he had to.

"How about this? How about we go out instead?" He stopped in his tracks as he turned toward her. "That way, if it gets too awkward, we're not trapped together all night. Deal?"

"Deal." She couldn't believe that she had just agreed to that.

"Friday night?" That was only two days away.

That was so soon.

Too soon if you asked her.

And yet, not soon enough.

"Is 6:00pm too early?" She knew that he was a busy man and she didn't want to take up his Friday night.

Especially not if he had a date or some other big plans to attend to.

"6:00pm is perfect." He beamed back at her as he agreed to her terms and she couldn't help but return his smile.

She had suddenly never been so excited for a Friday night in her entire life.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Ethan would have been lying if he said he wasn't excited when Leanne had told him that Eli wanted to have dinner with him.

He wanted nothing more than to spend time with the young boy.

And, if he was being honest, with his mother as well.

He had really started to enjoy getting to know Leanne. And the more time he spent with her, the more he started to fall for her.

He knew that he shouldn't be. Falling, that was.

He knew that she wasn't looking for a relationship. That her heart was still healing from everything that had happened to her six years ago.

And he got it. He really did. Losing half of your family like that wasn't easy.

And he would never push her into something that she wasn't ready for.

But dammit if he didn't really, really want to try.

He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to make her feel all the love she deserved.

And he wanted to provide Eli with the life that he deserved as well.

He may have barely known the boy, but the past few weeks of talking to him had drawn him in even more.

He just wanted to be a part of their lives.

Any way that he could.

"Ethan!" He heard Eli's voice before he saw him and he couldn't help the giant smile that broke out across his face when the little boy jumped up from his seat and waved at him excitedly. "Mommy look, Ethan's here!"

"I see that." Leanne let out a soft chuckle and he felt his heart start to race in his chest.

She was so perfect in every way and it was killing him.

"Hey pal." He stopped next to the table and knelt down in front of the young boy, his hand going out to ruffle his hair. He had noticed that his curls had started to grow out some and he was surprised how much it made him look like his mother. No wonder he was so incredibly drawn to him. "Sorry I'm a little late, it was crazy trying to get out of there tonight."

"That's okay." Eli offered him a smile before climbing back into his chair.

"Busy?" Leanne's voice was soft as she offered him a knowing look.

She had to know that Angels was a complete shit show on a Friday night.

Surely she understood without him having to flat out tell her.

"It was a madhouse." He let out a soft sigh, his hands going to his pockets.

There was an empty seat next to her and an empty seat next to Eli and he wasn't sure which one he was supposed to take.

It would surely be awkward if he sat next to her, right?

But then again, wouldn't it be just as awkward if he was sitting across from her and she caught him staring at her.

Which he was inevitably going to do.

"I hope we're not keeping you." His eyes snapped to her face as he shook his head back and forth.

"No! Nonsense." In all honesty, he was thankful to be free of the confines of that place for a little while. It was nice to get some fresh air. It was even nicer to see his two favorite people. "I gotta eat right?"

"Sit next to me Ethan!" Eli patted the chair next to him excitedly and Ethan figured that that answered his question. "Sit next to me!"

"Eli, calm down." Leanne shot the boy a knowing look and he instantly plopped back down on his bottom, the excited look fading from his face some.

"It's okay. It's nice to be wanted." He offered Eli a smile before moving to sit down next to the boy. "I don't mind."

Eli smiled up at him brightly as he winked at Leanne.

She rolled her eyes, but he didn't miss the smile that came over her face as she dropped her head downward.

She was starting to fall for him too. He could tell.

"What are you gonna eat Ethan?" Eli's question broke him from his thoughts and he chuckled at the boy's excitement.

"I'm not sure." He turned toward him and patted the children's menu in front of the boy. "What about you?"

"Macaroni and Cheese!" Ethan couldn't help but chuckle at the boy's enthusiasm over something so simple.

"That's his go to meal." Leanne whispered from across the table.

He lifted his head slightly and caught her eyes.

There was a softness to them that he only saw when she talked about Eli and it made him smile.

"Macaroni and Cheese is always a good choice." He nudged Eli's shoulder gently and the boy dissolved into a fit of giggles.

He couldn't help but laugh along with him, especially when he noticed how it seemed to make Leanne's eyes light up a little bit more.

—

They had enjoyed their meal together and he had spent the majority of the time talking to Eli about various things.

He had shared with him all about his class' new pet hamster. And he had asked him repeatedly to come visit him at school one day.

Leanne had let out a sigh at the boy's words, but Ethan had assured him that once he had his schedule for the next few weeks he would work out a time to come join him for lunch.

The look of happiness on his face had made Ethan's heart flutter.

They had just gotten ready to order dessert when Ethan's pager went off and he let out a huff as he pulled it from his waistband and read the message on the screen.

He was needed in Center Stage.

And he was needed there now.

"Do you have to go back to work now Ethan?" Eli's question about broke his heart in two and he hated himself so much in that moment for ruining the kid's night.

"Yeah. Sadly I do buddy." He turned toward him fully and offered him a soft smile. But Eli didn't return it. Instead, he hung his head, his eyes filling with tears. And that had been enough to do Ethan in.

Leanne got ready to speak but Ethan offered her a soft glance and a silent plea that she let him handle this.

She nodded her head at his look and he turned his attention back toward the pouting child beside him.

"I tell you what kid," He reached out and turned Eli toward him, his eyes locking with the boy's as he spoke, "we'll go get ice-cream together sometime soon okay?"

Eli simply nodded his head before letting it drop back down, breaking his gaze.

Ethan let out a sigh before scooping the boy into his lap.

"Hey." He reached out and lifted the boy's chin up, his thumb brushing away the tears on his little cheek. "How about tomorrow? If your mom doesn't mind?"

"Mommy?" Eli turned toward the woman in question with big, curious eyes, and Ethan watched as she nodded her head softly.

"That's fine sweetie." She said softly, a small smile coming across her face.

He was honestly shocked that she said 'yes' to his invitation.

He expected her to continue to pull away from him.

"Alright Eli?" The boy turned his attention back toward him and sniffled before nodding his head softly. "Tomorrow night okay?"

"Okay." He whispered.

"I gotta go." He pulled him into a tight hug before pulling back and ruffling his hair. "I'll see you soon."

Eli nodded his head once more before climbing back into his chair, his eyes still sad and his head still down.

"Bye Ethan." He waved softly from his spot and Ethan couldn't help but smile sadly back at him.

He hated that he was breaking the little guy's heart.

He really didn't think it would be like this.

"Bye buddy." He offered him a quick wave before he headed toward the register to pay for their meal.

He noticed Leanne shoot him a look but he just offered her a soft smile before waving at her as well.

And then he was heading through the doors with a heavy heart.

He may have loved his job. But sometimes, he really wished it wasn't so demanding.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Leanne had struggled with watching Eli get so upset over Ethan's departure at dinner the other night.

And then he had spent the entire evening in a foul mood. One that she hadn't been able to break him of, no matter how hard she tried.

She had tucked him into bed after he blatantly refused a story, or snuggles, and she had crawled into her own bed a few minutes later with tears in her eyes.

She felt like she was losing him, even though he was right there.

She had been almost asleep when her phone buzzed on the nightstand and she had groaned when Ethan's name flashed across the screen.

 _I'm sorry for running out on you guys like that. Campbell was having a conniption._ She rolled her eyes at his words.

He was always one to blame Campbell, even when he was probably the least likely culprit.

 _It's fine._ In reality, it wasn't fine.

Her son was heartbroken and now so was she.

 _Eli was real upset. I didn't mean for that to happen._ She felt tears prick at her eyes at his sincerity.

She knew that he hadn't meant any wrong by leaving them like that.

She knew that he probably would have stayed with them all night if he could.

 _He's tough. He'll be okay._ She didn't believe her words for one second.

She didn't know what it was that Ethan had done to win over her son, but it was slowly starting to have a negative impact.

Especially when she wasn't quite ready to give in.

 _Still. I'm sorry._ She rolled her eyes.

 _Okay._ She really just wanted to go to bed and forget the evening had ever happened.

 _We'll go get ice-cream tomorrow. I promise._ She closed her eyes as the tears started to fall down her cheeks.

This man's devotion to her son was too much.

 _You don't have too. I know you're busy._ In reality, she knew nothing about his daily routines or schedules.

But she was sure that he didn't want to waste his Saturday with them.

 _Nonsense. I'm meeting my step-brother in the morning and then I'm free. Tell Eli we can do whatever he wants. I'm all his if he wants me._ She felt the wind leave her lungs at his statement.

Eli would most certainly be over the moon if she told him that Ethan was basically all his for the entire day.

She couldn't remember a time when her son had been that excited to spend an entire day with her.

 _We have things to do Ethan._ That was a bold face lie. Other than going to the grocery store and getting Eli a new pair of shoes for school, they had no plans whatsoever.

But what Ethan didn't know, wouldn't hurt him.

 _Then just text me when you guys are done. I'll be free around noon. We could go to the park. Or go see a movie. Whatever little man wants._ She shook her head as the tears fell faster.

She needed to put an end to this.

She needed to cut him off before he hurt her son, or her.

She'd never forgive him if he did so.

 _Look, I get it. You're scared of where this might go. But right now, being friends is enough. I care about you. And Eli. I just want to give this a shot. It doesn't have to mean anything or turn into anything. But I get the feeling that you both could use a real good friend right about now._ She let out a sob as she chucked the phone across the bed.

It bounced to the floor as she curled herself into a ball, tears falling down her cheeks as she tried to calm herself down.

She hated how right he was.

She hated that he knew her so well after such a short period of time.

But mostly, she hated how badly she wanted to give this thing a try.

—

When Leanne woke up the following morning she was surprised to see that Eli had climbed into bed with her at some point.

He had tucked himself against her side and was breathing softly, his little arms wrapped tightly around hers.

She had let out a soft sigh before wrapping her arms around him and snuggling him against her side.

She would never get tired of having him in her arms.

Her phone buzzing from it's spot beside the bed broke her from her thoughts and she pushed herself up just enough to grab the object off the floor.

Ethan's name stared back at her, along with the time, 10:45am.

She couldn't remember the last time she had ever stayed in bed that late.

And especially not with Eli snuggled against her.

Dropping back against the pillows, she pulled the young boy close once more as she unlocked her phone and opened the text she had just received.

 _I should be done around 12:30. Wanna meet at the park?_ This man was ruthless if he was anything.

 _We're still in bed._ She didn't know why she told him that.

He didn't need to know that they were taking lazy to a whole new level.

 _Good. Stay resting. You deserve it._ She rolled her eyes at his comment.

He had no idea what she deserved.

 _Want me to take E for a bit? So you can have some alone time?_ She let her eyes wander down toward the sleeping boy at her side.

As much as she wanted to spend all day with him, she knew that he would greatly appreciate getting to spend time with Ethan.

It might even make his entire day.

 _If you want. I know he'd love to spend some time with you._ She couldn't believe she was agreeing to this.

The old Leanne never would have let Ethan take her child for any amount of time. And certainly not without her being there with him.

But she had grown to trust the man over the past few months.

And it was obvious that her son had too.

 _I'll swing by and get him around 1? We'll go to the park and get some ice-cream. I can have him home by dinner._ She felt herself smiling at his words.

She could tell that he was excited about the prospect of spending the afternoon with the boy.

She knew Eli would be just as excited, if not more.

 _Sounds good. I'll have him fed and dressed. He'll be over the moon to see you._ She felt her heart flutter in her chest at the thought of Ethan being at her house.

He had never been there before.

She didn't know why she all of a sudden wanted him to just make himself at home there.

 _I'll see you guys soon :)_ She felt Eli start to stir next to her and she couldn't wait to tell him the good news.

—

Ethan had arrived promptly at 1:00pm and Eli had been waiting not so patiently on the front steps for him, a giant smile on his face the entire time.

She had pressed a kiss to the boy's head before letting him bounce off toward Ethan's car.

She had been shocked when he had pulled the Jeep into the drive.

She was fairly certain that he had only owned that wretched motorcycle and she was curious to see how he was planning to transport the tot on that.

He had also surprisingly had a booster seat in the back, just the right size for Eli, and she had raised an eyebrow at him as he buckled the overly excited boy in.

He had mentioned something about nieces and nephews before shutting the door behind him.

Eli had offered her a wave through the open window and she couldn't help but smile as she waved back.

She couldn't remember the last time the boy had been so excited about anything.

"I'll have him home around 4:30pm." Ethan's voice was soft as he moved to open the driver's side door, climbing into the front seat as he offered her a smile.

"Take your time." She really didn't mind if they stayed out a little later than that. She just wanted the boy to have a little fun for once.

Something he didn't seem to do when he was with her.

"We'll see you in a bit." And then he was starting the Jeep back up and putting it in reverse as he buckled his seat belt.

Eli waved one last time, a giant smile on his face as he had called 'goodbye' to her as they backed out of the drive.

And then she was alone, standing on her side walk with a solemn look on her face.

Part of her had wanted to go with them.

To spend the afternoon playing at the park with them.

But she knew that they needed some time together, just the two of them. That that was what they both wanted. So she had refrained.

Instead, she had wandered inside and went about her household chores.

Her mind on the two boys in her life the entire time she worked.

—

Ethan had returned Eli to her just after 4:30pm and the boy hadn't stopped talking about their adventure at the park the entire evening.

He had told her all about how Ethan had taught him how to do the monkey bars all on his own. And how he had showed him how to skip rocks on the pond.

She had smiled as she listened to him tell her about how they both enjoyed the same flavor of ice-cream, Rocky Road, and how Ethan had even let him get sprinkles on top.

And then he told Leanne that he was glad that he got to spend time with Ethan, because Ethan was his only friend, and she felt her heart break in her chest.

Her son was just shy of six years old.

The middle aged Army Colonel shouldn't be his only friend.

And yet, she got the feeling, that Eli was telling her the truth when he said that.

And it absolutely destroyed her.

—

She had given the boy a bath that night and tucked him into bed with a kiss after reading him his story.

He had asked softly when he would get to see Ethan again and she had let out a sigh as she told him she didn't know.

He had pouted for a second before curling himself around his dinosaur and closing his eyes.

He was asleep before Leanne had made it out of the room.

She had been on her way downstairs to finish up a load of laundry when her phone dinged from it's place in the bedroom.

Sighing to herself she grabbed the object off of her nightstand, Ethan's name staring back at her once again.

 _Thanks for letting me take E today. I had a great time._ She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She might have wanted to hate this man, but if he continued to love her son as much as he currently did, she was going to be a goner.

 _It's no problem. He had a blast._ And she knew the boy had cherished every second that he got to spend with Ethan.

It both made her happy, and sad. And if she was being honest, a little jealous as well.

 _Next time you should come with us._ She rolled her eyes at his words.

She would do such thing.

 _I'll pass._ She didn't know why she said that.

She would give anything to spend the afternoon with them.

She just didn't want to admit it to herself.

 _All in good time I suppose…_ She couldn't help herself from taking a deep breath.

 _Goodnight Ethan._ She hoped he would take a hint and get lost.

 _Goodnight Lea._ She felt tears come to her eyes at the use of her nickname.

No one had called her that since John had died. No one at all.

And while part of her wanted to hate him for it, the other part of her felt her heart swell.

—

The rest of the weekend had been spent trying to convince Eli that he couldn't very well just show up at Ethan's house and invite himself in. Despite how badly he really, really wanted too.

He had been relatively quiet the rest of the day, and he had gone to bed without so much as a story or a kiss goodnight.

It had broken her heart watching him climb in bed all by himself, his hand pushing at hers when she tried to tuck him in.

He was entirely too young to be so grown.

And it killed her.

When she awoke Monday morning he was already downstairs and dressed for school, his dinosaur tucked under his arm as he sat in the big easy chair and flipped through a book.

He had eaten his bowl of cereal in silence and when she had dropped him off at school a little while later he had barely batted an eye at her departure.

She was glad that he had Ethan as a friend, but it was really starting to hurt their relationship, and it was breaking her heart.

When she had gotten to work a little while later she had brushed past the man in question and locked herself in her office while she tried to finish up her reports.

And when she had been called to Center Stage around lunch time she had ignored everything the Colonel said to her.

He had been bothered by her silence, she could tell, but she didn't care.

Instead, she had stalked away from him after they had stabilized their patients and she had retreated to the break room for a cup of coffee.

Jesse hadn't wasted anytime at all in seeking her out, and when he appeared at her side as she poured her cup she let out a sigh.

"What do you want Jesse?" The man was her best-friend, but right now, she wasn't in the mood for his shit.

"What's gotten into you lately daddy?" His question was soft and she turned to face him with a raised eyebrow.

"Nothing Jesse." She huffed. "Just stressed."

"Stressed? With what?" She rolled her eyes at his questions.

Where should she begin?

"Oh I don't know Jesse." She shrugged her shoulders as she set an angry look on her face. She couldn't believe he was asking her such a silly question. Surely he already knew the answer. "Work? Being a single parent? Life in general?"

"So why are you taking it out on the poor Colonel?" She felt her mouth fall open at his words.

Poor Colonel? The man wasn't poor. And he sure as hell deserved her animosity.

"On who?" She figured she could play stupid too.

"On Ethan? Dr. Willis." She knew exactly who Jesse was talking about, but that didn't stop her from playing dumb. "Why are you taking it out on him? Did he do something?"

"No." She took a sip from her cup before tossing it into the trash can beside her.

The stuff tasted like mud. She needed coffee, real coffee, and she needed it now.

"That's not very convincing." Jesse raised an eyebrow at her as she let out a sigh.

"It's, complicated." That was an understatement if there ever was one.

"Complicated? Are you two dating or something?" Part of her wished that she could answer that question with a 'yes'.

"No!" But she was also extremely glad that she couldn't. "No, Jesse, we are most certainly not dating."

"He seems to like you." She didn't understand why. She was nothing special. Surely he had women lining up to be with him.

"No he doesn't." She figured it was better to just act like she had no clue what the Colonel was up too.

"He seems pretty interested in you. And Eli." She knew that he was interested in her son. That much was obvious.

"And that's the problem." She let out a sigh as she leaned back against the counter and closed her eyes.

"What? That he's interested in you?" That was just the start. "Or that he's interested in Eli?"

"Eli's getting, attached." She hated that he seemed to be invested in the man.

She was thankful that he was having a good influence on her son.

But she was afraid the boy was going to get hurt.

And she couldn't bare to watch him suffer anymore.

"Attached? I thought you said you weren't dating?" She let out a groan at Jesse's words. She didn't understand why he was so obsessed with their potential relationship.

"We aren't. But Eli, he likes Ethan." Liking Ethan wasn't even the right way to describe it. Eli was smitten with him. He was obsessed. He wanted to know everything there was to know about the man. He wanted to be with him constantly. And it broke her that she couldn't, and wouldn't, allow him to indulge in that desire. "He wants to be his friend. And now he's getting hooked."

"And you're afraid Ethan's going to leave and Eli's going to be heartbroken?" She hated how well Jesse knew her. But she guessed that was what happened when you had been friends for almost two decades.

"I'm afraid that Eli doesn't understand. He's only five Jesse, he doesn't get it." And he didn't. He didn't understand that Ethan was temporary. That there was nothing keeping him from just up and leaving them behind. "Ethan, he doesn't have roots. He has nothing tying him to this place and he wants out. We all know that. So what's to stop him from forming a bond with my son and then disappearing into the night?"

"I don't think he would do that." Jesse barely knew the man, why was he sitting here defending him so strongly? "He doesn't seem like the type."

"We know nothing about him Jesse." And they didn't. She knew very little about him or his life or his intentions.

Not that she really cared to get to know him better.

"Not for a lack of trying on his part Leanne." Jesse gave her a look, that look, the look that said he was on to her and that she was in trouble. "I've seen him try to talk to you. He's been trying to open up to you since his first day here. He clearly sees something in you. Why are you pushing that away?"

"Because he's…" She didn't have an honest answer.

She didn't know why she was so hellbent on shoving him away.

"Him?" Jesse seemed to understand though.

"Because he's, him. And I'm, me." She didn't know if that made any sense to the man. Hell, it didn't make any sense to her. "And we, people like us, we don't work."

"You won't know until you try." He was starting to sound like Ethan and she hated it.

"I don't want to try Jesse." She whispered.

"Liar." He knew her entirely too well.

"Jesse…" She ran a hand through her hair as she eyed him softly.

She didn't want him to be right about this one.

She just wanted to forget Ethan ever existed sometimes.

"Look Leanne. I love you. And I love Eli. And I would do anything for the both of you. And I loved John and I loved Caitlin, but they're gone. And you need to move on with your life." Jesse had been there for everything. For all the good and all the bad and she was thankful for him in more ways than he probably understood. "When was the last time you went on a date?"

"I don't know." She didn't think she had been on one since John had died had she?

"Exactly my point. You need to put yourself out there." She didn't need to do anything but take care of her son. "You deserve it. And so does Eli."

"I can't afford to get hurt Jesse." She didn't think that Ethan was the type to hurt her, but again, she knew nothing about him. "And I won't have someone hurting my son."

"So it appears that dating Ethan would make perfect sense then." She rolled her eyes once more as she pushed herself up and away from the counter.

She started toward the door as she eyed Jesse curiously.

"How in the hell did you come to that conclusion?" He wasn't going to let up on this, she could tell.

"He obviously cares about you. And Eli." She was so tired of sighing, and yet, she let out another one as she pushed the door open, Jesse following right behind her quietly. "I highly doubt that he's looking to hurt either one of you."

"I can't Jesse." She stopped just outside the break room door, her eyes searching the hallway to make sure the man in question was nowhere in sight.

"Why not?" Jesse had a good point.

She didn't know why she couldn't give Ethan a chance. She just knew that she couldn't risk it.

She couldn't risk having her heart broken. Or her son's.

"Because." She felt her eyes starting to water at the thought.

She just wanted to be happy.

"Because why?" Jesse reached out and took her hands in his, offering her a soft look as he waited patiently for an answer.

"I just… can't." She swallowed as she turned her head toward the man. "And I won't."

Jesse got ready to speak up when her pager went off and she pulled from his grasp quickly.

"I've got to go Jesse." And then she was heading toward Center Stage, her eyes burning with tears and her heart aching in her chest.

She knew she wasn't being fair to herself. But what killed her more than anything, was that she wasn't being fair to Eli either.

And letting him down was the one thing she swore she would never do.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

It had been two weeks since Eli had spent the afternoon with Ethan and all he wanted to do now was be with the man 24/7.

It was starting to drive Leanne insane.

Partly because she was doing her best to act like the man didn't exist.

But also because she knew that she couldn't give her son what he wanted.

And it was starting to break both of their hearts.

Especially when she realized that he had a birthday coming up, and she was fairly certain that there was only one thing he was going to ask for.

"What do you wanna do for your birthday Eli?" She figured it was worth a shot to ask him.

She knew that he would probably turn down a party. Just like he had last year.

He had told her it was because he wasn't in a party mood.

But then he had later revealed to her that it was because he didn't think any of his friends would come.

Instead they had gone to dinner and a movie with Jesse before enjoying ice-cream on the beach.

Eli had seemed perfectly okay with that and so she had run with it.

But she was hoping that this year was different.

"I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders without so much as a glance in her direction.

He had been focused on his drawing of a bunch of dinosaurs for almost an hour now and she had barely seen him flinch as she moved around the downstairs.

"Do you want to have a party?" She really hoped he said 'yes'.

She had always loved throwing Caitlin birthday parties.

And even though the little girl had only been seven when she had passed, Leanne had gone all out on her birthday's, starting with her first and ending with the last.

"I don't care." She knew that Eli didn't mean anything rude by it, but she was trying to teach him not to use that phrase when asked a question.

"Elias…" He snapped his eyes up toward her and he let out a soft sigh.

"Sorry mama." He set his crayon down before pushing himself up off the floor of the den and heading into the kitchen.

He climbed up into her lap without so much as a word and she was shocked when he wrapped his arms around her neck and snuggled against her chest.

This was a welcome change from the distant boy he had been the past few weeks.

"It's okay baby." She dropped a kiss to his head as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

She was still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that he was going to be six years old in less than a month.

It seemed like just yesterday that Jesse was placing his tiny little body in her arms while she was laid up in the hospital.

"Can Ethan come?" He whispered his question as he closed his eyes and she felt her heart ache in her chest.

"Come to what baby?" She wondered if Ethan would be able to convince him to have a party.

"To my party." He said softly. He lifted his head up and offered her a soft smile. "If I have a party, can I invite Ethan?"

She couldn't help but smile back at him.

As much as she wanted to hate the relationship that was brewing between the two she couldn't help but be drawn in by the giant smile on the boy's face.

"Of course you can invite Ethan." She couldn't deny him that one request.

"Can I have a dinosaur cake?" His eyes twinkled in the soft light of the kitchen and she felt her heart flutter in her chest.

"Absolutely." She'd let him have dinosaur everything if that was what he wanted.

"I'll have a party then." He said softly. "As long as there's dinosaurs."

"Sounds like a deal to me." She pressed another kiss to his forehead as he snuggled closer and she couldn't help but hug him tighter.

He may be distant sometimes, and he may be growing up way too fast, but he would always be her baby boy.

Of that much she was certain.

—

Eli had spent the rest of the weekend talking about his party and planning it all out for her.

She had felt like she had barely done any work, the boy's wild imagination taking over and telling her exactly what he wanted and how.

They had picked out invitations and decorations at the party store on Sunday and she had found a dinosaur cake design online that seemed simple enough for her to follow.

He had then helped her make his invitations that night after dinner and he had been over the moon about handing them out at school the following day.

She just hoped that he wouldn't be disappointed and that at least some of his classmates would come and celebrate with them.

After she had dropped him off at school that Monday morning she had headed to work with a heavy heart.

She was nervous to talk to Ethan about the party.

She had been pushing him away the past few weeks and she was scared that he would take his anger toward her out on Eli.

But, unfortunately, Ethan was nowhere to be found when she arrived at Angels that morning. So instead she had dropped his invitation through the small opening in his locker and she had gone about her business.

—

It was a quarter to five that night when she heard the soft knock on her office door and she feared who it could possibly be.

She was supposed to be leaving in fifteen minutes to pick up Eli from the sitter and she really didn't want to get stuck here any longer than necessary.

"Come in." She called softly, her eyes shifting up from the file in front of her as the door opened slowly.

"Just me." She couldn't help the small smile that formed on her face when Ethan appeared in the doorway.

"Hi." She set her pen down as she leaned back in her chair.

She would never admit it out loud, but she had missed him terribly these past few weeks.

Why she thought it was necessary to push him away she didn't quite understand.

"What's this?" He held up the envelop that she had dropped into his locker earlier and he locked eyes with her as he spoke.

"Did you open it?" She pushed herself up and out of her chair, moving around to stand in front of her desk as he shifted from foot to foot.

He was nervous about something and she didn't understand why.

"Yes." She could barely hear his reply and she stopped in her tracks just in front of him.

"Than you know what it is." She didn't know if he was playing stupid, or if he was genuinely confused about the invite.

"I thought I was getting too close." He whispered.

"You are." And he was, but her son didn't seem to think that his presence was overbearing, so she was trying not to let it turn into a big deal.

"So then why are you inviting me to his birthday party?" His question was valid and it broke her heart to know that.

"Because he wants you to come." Eli wanted nothing more than to share his special day with Ethan and he had spent the entire time they were picking out decorations asking if she thought that Ethan would like this and that.

"But you don't want me to come?" She could see the hurt in his eyes and it made her heart feel funny.

"I don't care what you do Ethan." That was a total lie. She wanted him there more than anything. Both for her son's sake, and for hers. "Come, don't come, it means nothing to me."

"But he wants me there?" He looked hurt by her reply and she let out a sigh at the flash of pain in his eyes.

"You were the first name on his guest list." And that part was true. She was certain that if Ethan hadn't been brought up that Eli probably wouldn't have agreed to the party at all.

"Look Leanne, I don't know why he's so enamored with me okay? I certainly didn't ask him to be." She knew that. She knew that Ethan hadn't done this intentionally. She knew that he was just as innocent in this as her son was. The bond that they had formed was special, regardless of whether or not it was planned. "But if he wants to be my friend, I'm okay with that. You're the one with the issue here."

"There's no issue here." She whispered. "Are you coming to the party or not?"

"Of course I'm coming." He didn't skip a beat with his reply.

"Thank you." She didn't know why she was thanking him.

Maybe because she knew that if she had to tell Eli that he wasn't coming he would be heartbroken.

"What can I get him?" He asked quietly. "Does he need or want anything in particular?"

"You don't have to get him a thing Ethan." And she meant it. She knew that Eli didn't expect a lot. Mainly because she had never been able to give him much in the way of gifts. "He'll be over the moon just knowing that you're there."

"Well I've gotta get him something." He smiled softly as he relaxed his shoulders a little, his hand moving to deposit the small envelop into the back pocket of his jeans.

She hadn't noticed that he had changed into regular clothes until that very moment and she let her eyes wander over his body.

She would never deny that he was an attractive man. Never in a million years.

"Leanne…" She must have gotten lost in her own thoughts about the man and his well dressed body because his voice made her jump. "You okay?"

"Yeah." She felt herself blushing and she shook her head when he offered her a knowing smirk. He had caught her giving him a once over and she was beyond embarrassed. "Sorry."

"It's okay." He whispered.

"He'll be happy with whatever Ethan." She said softly.

She wanted to disappear in that given moment.

Mainly because she was now painfully aware of how attracted to him she was physically. But also because she caught him giving her a once over as well.

"I'll think of something." He offered her a wink as he shifted on his feet again. "I'm gonna get going."

She simply nodded her head at his words as she swallowed.

The tension in the room had just thickened ten fold and there was a tiny part of her body that was aching to take the few steps forward to close the distance between them.

"Goodnight Leanne." He whispered.

And then he was gone before she could even process what had just happened.

She felt her heart start to race in her chest as her mind went to a place that it shouldn't be.

Especially not when it involved him.

Never when it involved him.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 ("Sleight of Hand")**

Ethan couldn't believe how his day had gone.

In fact, he couldn't believe how his entire week had gone.

It had been one crisis after another and he was so tired and overwhelmed and all he wanted to do was sleep for the next three days.

But then he had spotted Leanne making her way toward her car that evening and he hadn't been able to stop himself from going after her.

He had a bone to pick with her. And he'd be damned if she was going to walk away from him.

"Leanne!" He watched as she slowed her pace, her arms falling to her sides as she stopped just inside the parking garage. "Wait up."

He watched as she let out a sigh as she turned to face him.

"What do you want Ethan?" He could tell she was just as exhausted as him and he was sure that she just wanted to get him to Eli and call it a day.

"What you did earlier," He stopped beside her as he eyed her angrily, "it was stupid."

He was furious with her for stepping in earlier when he was operating on Fiona's leg.

It was a dangerous situation, one she shouldn't be putting herself into, and he would never forgive her for putting herself in danger like that.

"Like removing a tiny grenade from that woman's leg wasn't?" She was mad too and he didn't understand why.

He was just doing his job.

She, on the other hand, was being reckless.

"I had a job to do." He let out a huff when she rolled her eyes at him.

"So did I." He wanted to yell 'bullshit' at her. He wanted to tell her that she was insane.

"No. No you didn't." She was pissing him off with this whole thing. He couldn't handle it. "I had it under control."

"Bullshit." She was getting feisty and he both found it annoying and attractive.

"Leanne…" He dragged her name out as he reached for her.

He didn't know why he all of a sudden wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her.

"Don't 'Leanne' me. You're not my boyfriend, or my husband. You're not even my friend!" He felt his heart breaking in his chest. He thought they had at least overcome that obstacle. "You have no right to tell me what I can and cannot do."

"You have a son to worry about! You can't be making stupid mistakes like that!" He hated that she was so willing to risk her life like that. He couldn't bare it if something had happened to her. But even worse, he didn't even want to think about what that would do to Eli. "What if something had happened? What if that bomb had gone off? What would happen to Eli then?"

He watched as tears filled her eyes and he instantly felt horrible.

He couldn't believe he had spoken to her like that.

She may have made a stupid decision, but she didn't deserve to have him treating her like a monster.

"Look, I don't care what you do." And yet, he didn't really care at this point. He was so mad at her that he couldn't stand it. So he laid into her even more. "It's your life, fuck it up however you want. I just don't wanna see Eli get hurt."

He watched as her bottom lip quivered and he wanted to slap himself.

Instead, he watched in slow motion as she reached out and took care of that for him.

Her hand made contact with his cheek just as she screamed at him about how he was an asshole.

And then she was turning on her heel as fast as humanly possible.

He watched with tear filled eyes as she disappeared down the row of cars, his hands shaking as he tried to compose himself.

He deserved that. More than deserved it actually. And he knew it was coming.

And yet, it hurt. A lot.

—

He had retreated back to his place after regaining his composure and he had spent the better part of an hour trying to get himself together.

But he had failed, over and over again.

So instead he had downed a beer, taken an excessively hot shower, and crawled into bed with a huff.

He felt like he had just lost his best-friend.

And Leanne didn't even see him as anything close.

He felt his heart start to race in his chest and he let out a huff as he reached for his phone.

 _I'm sorry for earlier Lea. I didn't mean to upset you. I'm just worried about you, and Eli._ He hit send before letting his head fall back against the pillows.

He waited with bated breath for a reply.

When his phone dinged a few minutes later he let out a sigh when he saw Leanne's name on the screen.

 _Don't be. We're not yours to worry about._ He hated it when she said that.

He couldn't help but worry about them.

They needed someone to look out for them.

He was perfectly fine with it being him.

 _I can't help it. Please Lea, just let me in. Stop pushing me away._ He knew it wasn't very manly to beg, but at this point, he didn't care.

 _Leave it be Ethan. I'm done._ He didn't know what she was done with.

With him? With this friendship?

He felt his heart breaking in his chest.

He didn't want to lose her.

Especially when he had never really even had her.

 _Leanne please…_ He hated this.

Absolutely fucking hated this.

 _Goodnight Dr. Willis._ So she was back to referring to him by his title instead of his name.

He couldn't handle this.

She was being stupid and immature and he didn't give a damn if she knew it.

 _You're being stupid Leanne. Stupid and immature and I don't care if you know it. I'm just trying to help. I just wanna be a part of your lives. Why is that so hard for you to understand? Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away? You and Eli, you need someone. You deserve someone. I want to be that someone. I don't get why you're so opposed to it._ He felt tears start to fill his eyes and he let out a shuttering breath as he tried to maintain his composure.

He was a 42 year old man, he shouldn't be fucking crying over a damn woman.

A woman who wasn't even his to cry over.

He waited a good twenty minutes for a reply, but nothing ever came.

He tossed his phone onto the nightstand when he realized that she wasn't going to answer him back and he rolled over and closed his eyes without a second thought.

He was asleep within minutes, his mind never registering the sound of his phone ringing from it's place beside him. Leanne's name flashing across the screen as he drifted off to sleep.

—

When he awoke the next morning he had promptly ignored the notification for her missed calls and instead dragged himself to the shower with a huff.

He didn't need her pity. Not after everything. Not after how she had treated him.

After showering he had dressed in silence and despite the fact that he had the entire weekend off, he had headed downstairs to grab some coffee and then headed into Angels anyway.

He figured he could at least work away his sorrows if nothing else.

He was shocked when he saw Leanne appear next to Jesse at the nurse's station around noon that very same day and he let out a sigh when he noticed her following him to the locker room a little while later.

He really didn't want to talk to her right now.

Not after everything that had happened.

"I tried to call you last night." She whispered.

He stopped in front of his locker and let his head hang forward, his eyes closing as he took a deep breath.

"Eli wanted to talk to you." He could hear the hurt in her voice and he instantly felt bad.

He never wanted their shitty relationship, or lack thereof, to effect when he had with Eli.

"I fell asleep." He opened his locker softly, his hand shaking as he tried to calm himself down.

"Oh." He heard her shift from foot to foot behind him and he let out a sigh. "Okay."

They stood in silence for a few minutes as he pulled his belongings from his locker.

He was going to ask her to leave so that he could change his shirt, but he really didn't give a damn at this point, so instead he pulled his scrub top over his head with one quick motion.

He heard her let out a sigh and he wondered if that was out of pleasure or frustration.

"Like what you see?" He knew that teasing her was a good way to get through to her.

She may have acted like she hated it, but in reality, it made her smile.

Whether she wanted to admit it or not.

"Maybe." She whispered.

He turned toward her and offered her a wink, his hands stilling as he stopped himself from pulling his t-shirt over his head.

"You can be honest with me you know." He raised an eyebrow at her and he noticed the blush creep up her cheeks as she twisted her hands together in front of her.

"Shut up Ethan." He was glad that she was back to calling him by his first name.

It may have only been twenty four hours, but he had missed the sound of his name on her lips.

"I thought you were off today." He didn't know why he changed the subject, but he saw her relax a little and he was glad that he did.

"Eli had a play date so I figured I would try and get some paperwork done." Her voice was soft and he smiled at the light in her eyes at the mention of the boy.

"A play date huh?" He was glad to hear that the boy was getting out some. "He made a friend?"

It had pained him greatly when the boy had told him that he didn't have any friends at school. That he was his only friend. It had been hard for him to digest, knowing that the kid definitely deserved better.

"I signed him up for swim lessons." She smiled at him and he felt his heart start to race in his chest. "He made a friend there, Zachary. This is their second time hanging out. They seem to be two peas in a pod."

That smile did things to him.

Unhealthy, ungodly things to him.

And it certainly didn't help matters that he was still standing there bare chested.

He let out a cough as he quickly pulled his shirt over his head, his eyes never breaking from hers.

"That's good." He hoped that this Zachary kid could bring out some of Eli's personality.

She didn't reply, instead she simply nodded her head, her smile never leaving her face.

He pulled his leather jacket on as he kept his eyes trained on hers.

He could tell that she wanted to speak, that she had something she wanted to say.

But he could also tell that she was holding back from him.

He hated that she did this. That she couldn't just open up to him. He knew she wanted too. He could tell.

"How much longer is he with this new friend of his?" He didn't know why he was all of a sudden very interested in the details of Eli's play date, but he was.

"I have to pick him up around 7:00pm." She eyed him suspiciously and he couldn't help but offer her a smile. "Why?"

"Wanna grab some dinner?" He didn't know what had possessed him to ask that question.

He knew she would say 'no'.

He knew that she would likely see this as him asking her out on a date.

But that's not what this was. Not at all.

"Like a date?" He could see the fear and hesitation in her eyes and it broke his heart.

"No." He let his smile soften a bit as he closed his locker behind him. "Just two friends, having dinner."

"Promise?" He could hear the uncertainty in her voice.

He wished that she was more accepting of the idea of a date with him.

He wondered if they would ever get to that point.

"I promise Lea." He reached forward and squeezed her hands with his. "Just dinner."

She nodded her head then, her eyes shinning as she stared back at him with a gentle smile on her face.

He let out a soft laugh as he moved to wrap an arm around her shoulders, escorting her out of the locker room and toward the parking garage.

He couldn't believe that she had said 'yes'.

He couldn't believe that he was finally going to get some alone time with her.

He knew right then and there that he would do whatever it took to earn himself a lot more of that.

 ***Don't forget to comment!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 ("Ave Maria")**

Leanne had been shocked at herself for accepting Ethan's invitation to dinner the other night.

But she had figured that the least she could do was indulge him in one good meal.

Turns out, he was the perfect dinner companion though, and she had found herself struggling with saying 'goodbye' to him when it came time to leave.

He had walked her to her car after they had shared a slice of chocolate cake.

And before she knew it he was pressing a kiss to her cheek and thanking her for giving him the time of day.

She had simply smiled back at him before climbing into her car and driving away without a word.

She hoped that he understood that she hadn't replied out of shock, good shock, and not out of anything else.

—

The next few days had gone well and they had managed to keep from fighting the entire week.

He had even convinced her to let him take her and Eli to dinner on Friday for the boy's birthday.

But then his CO had shown up Wednesday night and all hell had broken lose.

She still remembered the feeling of her heart breaking in her chest when he had told her that he could be getting shipped back overseas any day now if that's what he wanted.

She prayed that he didn't want that.

She prayed that he wanted to stay here in LA with her and Eli.

She didn't want him to go.

And she knew it would break her son's heart if he left.

She could see the fear in his eyes when he told her the news though.

And she knew that he was conflicted about what was going to happen over the course of the next week.

She had walked away from him in the break room without another word and had locked herself in her office to have a good cry.

This is exactly what she was afraid of.

This is exactly why she didn't want to get attached to him.

Why she didn't want Eli to get attached.

She knew he would leave them eventually.

And her heart was breaking in her chest knowing that it would happen so soon.

—

She had stayed put and cried for a good twenty minutes before she finally managed to regain her composure and she had been just about ready to leave her office and return to the floor when she heard her phone ding from it's place on her desk.

She grabbed at it quickly when she saw Ethan's name on the screen.

 _Where are you?_ Was all it said and she let out a breath.

She was fearful that he had talked to his CO.

That he had gotten confirmation that he would be leaving soon.

She didn't know if she was ready for that.

 _My office._ She hit send as she ran a hand through her hair.

She was sure that she probably looked like a mess.

But if she was being honest, she didn't really care right now.

She got ready to text him again when there was a gentle knock on the door.

She heard the person on the other side try the knob, but it didn't budge.

"Lea…" Ethan's voice was quiet but she knew it was him nonetheless. "It's just me."

"Coming." She pushed herself up from her chair and moved to unlock the door, opening it slowly as she stepped back from the threshold, allowing him enough room to enter.

"You okay?" He let his eyes scan over her body slowly, stopping when they got to her face.

She noticed his eyes soften when he caught sight of the tears in her eyes.

She felt a shiver take over her when he reached forward for her.

"Oh Lea." He didn't waste any time in pulling her into his arms.

He wrapped her up tight and she couldn't help but hug him back.

She had never been in his arms before. Not once. But it was certainly the most perfect feeling she had ever experienced.

"It's okay." He whispered against her hair. She shook her head back and forth at his words. It wasn't okay. It was never going to be okay. Not if he left them. "I'm not going anywhere."

She felt her heart stop in her chest at his soft words.

"You're not?" She pulled back, eyeing him through her tears as she tried to compose herself.

She couldn't believe she had allowed herself to break down like this.

Especially in front of him.

"I don't wanna leave Leanne." He reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind her hair. "You and Eli… I'm not going anywhere okay?"

She couldn't find the words so she simply nodded her head before stepping back into his arms.

Everything had gone to shit these past few days.

Malaya was gone. Jesse and Rollie were gone.

Her whole world felt like it was falling apart around her.

She couldn't imagine what would have happened if Ethan had left her too.

"You're stuck with me." He pressed a kiss against her hair and she felt her heart start to race in her chest. "Whether you like it or not."

She chuckled softly as she hugged him tighter.

"We're still on for dinner tomorrow night?" She sure hoped so.

She had decided to surprise Eli with it, so even though he wouldn't know any differently, she knew that he would absolutely lose it when he saw Ethan on his actual birthday.

"Damn straight." His voice was soft and when she pulled back she could see the gentleness in his eyes.

And if she wasn't mistaken, there was something almost like love there.

"I didn't tell E." She whispered. "I want it to be a surprise."

"Good." He squeezed her arms gently in his hands as he offered her a smile. "I'll pick you guys up around five."

"We'll be ready." She felt herself shiver once more from the look in his eyes.

He was doing things to her that she shouldn't be letting him do.

"I've gotta go." He leaned forward then, his lips pressing against her forehead softly. "Get some rest tonight."

He let the kiss linger for a second before pulling back and offering her a soft smile.

"Goodnight Ethan." She whispered, her eyes closing as he made his way toward the door.

"Goodnight Lea." And then he was gone, his long legs carrying him back out the open door and down the hallway.

She felt her heart flutter in her chest.

She couldn't believe he had been so affectionate with her.

That he had been so loving and gentle.

She didn't understand what she had done to deserve this man.

But she was slowly starting to realize just how lucky she was to have him.

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	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 ("Ave Maria")**

Ethan had been unable to keep his promise about taking her and Eli to dinner on Friday night and while part of her was angry with him she knew that he had a lot going on.

She knew that it had broken his heart when he had texted her and told her they would have to reschedule.

But she had reassured him that it was okay and that they would just do something with the boy another night.

She had been incredibly thankful in that moment that she hadn't told Eli about their plans.

She knew it would absolutely break his heart.

So instead they had gone out to dinner just the two of them and then she had taken him to the beach for ice cream just like she had done the past two years.

And that night after she had tucked him into bed with about a dozen kisses on each cheek she had retreated to her room and shut her door quietly before falling into bed with tears in her eyes.

It was supposed to be a day worth celebrating, but in the end, it always turned into a night of her grieving alone.

She had tried her best not to let the events of six years ago plague her mind. Especially not on her baby boy's special day.

But after he was asleep and she was left alone with her thoughts it always happened.

And she always fell apart.

She had just finished burying herself under the covers, her head nestled on her pillow as she continued to cry, when her phone went off.

She gently removed it from it's spot on the nightstand and she swallowed when Ethan's name flashed across the screen in front of her.

 _I'm so sorry about dinner Lea. I really, really am._ She could tell that he was super regretful about having to cancel.

 _It's okay Ethan. I know things have been crazy for you lately._ She also knew that he was struggling with something he didn't want to talk about.

And although she knew it wasn't her place to be asking questions, she wanted him to be okay and she wanted to help if she could.

 _I wanted to be there for him. We haven't gotten to hang out lately._ She knew that her son's connection with the man was important to the little boy, but she had never stopped to think about how important it was to the man too.

 _It's okay Ethan. You'll see him tomorrow. He's so excited to see you. I think you're going to be the hit of the party._ Eli had double and triple checked with her that Ethan was still coming to the party.

And he had made an effort to make sure that his room was spotless so that he could show off all of his toys to the man.

 _I know, I just…_ She let out a sigh at his words. She knew how it felt to be so unsure.

 _It's okay, I promise._ She hoped that he understood that she wasn't mad at him. Not in the least bit.

 _How are you holding up? I know today has to be tough on you._ She swallowed as she read over his words multiple times.

He was the only person, other than Jesse and Rollie, who bothered to ask how she was feeling about the given day.

 _I'm trying to be strong._ She was failing though. Miserably.

 _Want some company?_ Boy did she ever.

 _I don't know if that's a good idea._ But she also knew that if she let him in now that that would probably be the end of it.

 _It doesn't have to mean anything Lea._ She wondered what he meant by that.

Was he talking about having sex?

Or simply coming over to comfort her?

Or was he talking about something completely different?

Because as far as she was concerned, no matter what he meant by those words, she knew that it would surely mean something to her.

She bet it would mean something to him too.

 _I'm okay Ethan. I just wanna sleep._ She wanted to sleep next to him if she was being completely honest.

But she didn't want to say that to him. She didn't know if it would end well for her.

 _Text me if you change your mind._ She could almost feel the tension in his words.

She had struck a nerve by turning him down and she could tell that he was frustrated.

 _I'll see you in the morning?_ She prayed that he wouldn't let whatever this awkwardness was influence his decision to come to Eli's party tomorrow.

She didn't know if she could handle that kind of heart break.

 _I'll be there._ She smiled at his response.

She got ready to text him back when she heard Eli's soft voice calling for her from down the hall.

Ethan would just have to wait until tomorrow.

—

Except tomorrow morning came and went with no sign of Ethan.

He had agreed to come over early and help set-up.

He was going to bring them donuts and help Eli decorate.

He was supposed to be there for the whole day.

And yet, noon had rolled around and there was still no sign of him.

She had tried texting him and calling him multiple times, but there was no answer.

And when she had called the hospital looking for him he was nowhere to be found.

Part of her feared the worst. But part of her was furious at him for doing this to her son.

"Where is he mommy?" Eli's sad voice broke through her thoughts and she stopped next to the young boy as he stood at the front door.

"Where's who buddy?" She figured she already knew the answer to that question, but she wanted to make sure they were on the same page.

"Ethan." He looked up at her with tear filled eyes and she felt herself start to fall apart. She couldn't believe her son was so upset over something so simple. "You gave him the invitation right?"

"Yes buddy. I gave him the invitation." But she guessed by the look on his face that this was nothing but simple in his eyes.

"Than where is he?" He sounded like he was going to break down in tears right then and there and it killed her.

"I don't know sweetie." She cupped his cheek softly as she knelt down in front of him. "He might have gotten busy with work."

She didn't even think he was supposed to be at work, but she couldn't think of any other reason why the man would ditch them like this.

Eli simply nodded his head, his bottom lip poking out slightly as he wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve.

She got ready to respond when she noticed Jesse coming up the front steps, a soft smile on his face as he made his way toward the door.

He stopped in front of them and pulled Eli in for a big hug before wishing him a happy birthday. And then he was sending him on his way with an arm full of presents.

"Ethan wanted me to tell you that he's sorry that he's not here." The man's voice was soft as he eyed her from his spot in front of the door.

"So he's not coming?" She felt like she couldn't breath.

She couldn't believe he would do this to them.

To Eli, of all people.

She thought he cared about the boy.

She guessed that she was wrong.

"He's doing his best." She could tell that Jesse was telling her the truth though and she knew that she was being dramatic. "His CO overdosed and he's trying to deal with a bunch of red tape."

She let out a sigh as she let what Jesse had just said process.

He was trying so hard to get out from under their shit lately.

"Eli's been looking for him all day." In truth, so had she.

"I know. He feels horrible Leanne, trust me." It broke her heart hearing those words. Maybe he cared about them more than she thought. "You should have seen how hurt he was. I'm sure he'll be here if he can."

"Okay. Thanks Jesse." She didn't know what to say.

She wanted Ethan there more than anything and she knew that Eli did too.

It was killing her that she was going to have to tell the boy that his favorite person wasn't going to make it to his party as planned.

—

Eli's party had gone off without a hitch except for one little tiny detail that the boy had done his best to ignore, but had failed at.

There was no Ethan.

And she had watched as Eli continued to search for him throughout the afternoon and even into the early evening.

She had felt her heart break in her chest when she had had to tell Eli that it was time for bed and there had still been no sign of the Colonel.

She knew it was killing the boy that his favorite person hadn't made it to his party.

And she had watched with sad eyes as he had headed upstairs to brush his teeth with tears in his eyes and his dinosaur tucked under his arm.

She had wanted to comfort him. To pull him into her arms and tell him that it was okay. But she knew that he would shy away from her, that he would just shut down and push her away. So she had refrained, allowing him to handle things on his own instead.

She had just finished cleaning up the last of the dishes when she heard the doorbell ring and she did a double take, her eyes settling on the clock on the oven.

8:29pm stared back at her and she let out a sigh.

She had absolutely no idea who in the world would be at her door at this time of night. But she hoped that whoever it was made their visit quick.

She made her way toward the front door and pulled it open slowly.

She felt her heart stop in her chest at the sight on the other side.

"Hey." Ethan's voice was soft and she could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

She could tell that he was tired. That something was bothering him. That something was off.

She just wanted to pull him into her arms and kiss away his worries.

"Hey." She whispered back.

She pulled the door the rest of the way open and stepped aside, allowing him to cross over the threshold.

He stopped beside her as she closed the door behind him and she gave him a good once over as she moved to stand in front of him.

He was dressed in his Army issued camouflage pants and his standard tan t-shirt and he looked both devilishly handsome and overwhelmingly fed up.

"What are you doing here?" She asked softly.

She knew there was some venom in her words and she hoped that he didn't take it too personally.

She had a right to be slightly irritated with him.

"I wanted to drop this off." He lifted his arm up to reveal an Avengers themed gift bag. "Is he still awake?"

"He's brushing his teeth." She whispered.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't make it Lea. Things, they got crazy earlier." She could hear the pain and sadness in his voice. She could tell that he felt bad about missing the party. She felt her heart ache for him. "I've been dealing with lawyers all day. JAG officers, it's been a mess. I really, really wanted to be here."

"It's not me you have to plead too Ethan." But it wasn't her that he had to beg for forgiveness from.

She understood why he hadn't been there. She got it. The Army had to come first. She was aware of that. No matter how much it sucked.

But Eli, he was only six. And in his eyes, his best-friend had just missed the most important day of the year and he had no explanation why.

"Can I stay for a bit?" His eyes were pleading with her in a way she'd never seen. He was broken and it showed. "I want to at least give him this, tell him how sorry I am."

"Yeah. He still has a few minutes before bed." In reality, she didn't care if the boy stayed up past his bedtime in order to see Ethan. She knew that it would make his day to be able to spend time with the man. "If he wants to see you, that's fine."

He simply nodded his head before letting his eyes wander through the small living room.

There were still decorations up and she knew it had to be killing him to see them.

"I'll go get him." She said quietly.

He nodded his head once more and she gave him a small smile before heading up the stairs.

She found Eli sitting on his bed, his dinosaur in his lap and a sad look on his face.

She felt her heart break in her chest.

She knew exactly what he was thinking.

She knew he was still waiting for Ethan to show up.

"Hey sweetie." She stopped in the doorway of his room and offered him a soft smile. "There's someone downstairs who wants to see you."

His head snapped up and his eyes got wide as he clutched his dinosaur closer to his chest.

"Is it Ethan?" She could see the hope in his eyes and she felt her heart flutter.

He was so forgiving and it made her eyes water.

"Yes baby." He smiled up at her then before hopping up out of the bed and placing the stuffed animal next to his pillow.

He moved toward her and took her hand, waiting for her to make the first move back toward the stairs.

She guessed that he was probably uncertain about seeing the man after he had bailed on him so many times.

She completely understood his weariness.

They made their way downstairs, Eli's hand clutched tightly in hers, and when they stopped at the bottom of the staircase the boy gave Ethan a quick once over.

"Hey buddy." Ethan's voice was scratchy and that's when Leanne noticed that he had been crying.

"Hi." Eli stayed close to her side though, something she certainly didn't expect, and she watched as Ethan knelt down in front of them.

"I'm so so sorry that I missed your party earlier." Ethan reached out for him then and she was shocked when Eli took a few gentle steps toward him. He stopped right in front of him and rubbed at his little eyes. "I really wanted to be here."

"It's okay." He whispered.

"No Eli, no it's not." Ethan pulled the boy toward him a little, his hands resting on his arms as he spoke softly. "I told you I would be here and then I wasn't. That isn't okay and I'm sorry."

"Is everything okay at work?" She hated that her son was so understanding sometimes.

She guessed that she only had herself to blame for that one though.

"Yeah. Everything's okay now." His voice was soft as he offered the boy a smile.

"Okay." Eli hung his head a little and she watched as a glimpse of regret flashed across Ethan's face.

"I brought you something." Ethan reached behind him and grabbed the bag from earlier, holding it out in front of him as he offered Eli a soft smile.

"Thank you." Eli took the bag slowly, his eyes scanning over it as he set it down in front of him.

"You can open it if you want." She could see the look of apprehension on Ethan's face and she wondered if he was struggling with his gift for the boy or with his feelings toward missing his special day.

Part of her guessed both.

She watched as Eli lifted his head and sought out her eyes, silently asking for permission to open the present in front of him.

She nodded her head softly, watching as a small smile came over his face as he turned his attention back toward Ethan.

He gently pulled the tissue paper out and placed it on the floor beside him. He eyed Ethan softly before continuing and she watched as a giant smile broke out on the boy's face as he pulled the contents out of the bag.

There was a big book on dinosaurs, one she was 100% certain he didn't have, a motorcycle lego set, and a t-shirt with a picture of an Indian on it.

She was shocked at how well Ethan seemed to know the boy. But then again, she wasn't.

"You like it?" Ethan's question was soft and she took note of the weariness in his eyes.

He was afraid of the boy's disapproval and it was killing him. She could tell that he wasn't sure what to do.

"I love it!" Eli set the objects back in the bag quickly before throwing his arms around Ethan's neck, hugging him tightly. "Thanks so much Ethan!"

"You're welcome pal." Ethan wrapped the boy in a giant hug, his lips pressing a gentle kiss against his curls.

"Can we work on the Lego's together?" Eli asked as he pulled away.

Leanne couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

She should've known.

"If it's okay with your mom." Ethan's eyes connected with hers and she could see the desire in them.

He wanted to do this with the boy. He needed to. And she was powerless to stop him.

"Mom? Can we?" Eli's question broke through the silence before she could say anything and she noticed the same look of need and want in his eyes. "Please?"

"That would be fine honey. But not tonight." She hoped that wouldn't cause an issue. She hoped that he understood where she was coming from. It was getting late and he needed to get some sleep. "You still need to get to bed on time."

"Tomorrow?" Eli's eyes were so soft and she couldn't help but fall in love with the look of pure happiness on his face.

"Whenever Ethan's free honey." She hoped that Ethan would be able to spend time with him soon.

She knew that this visit wouldn't be enough to satisfy the boy.

"Can we work on it tomorrow?" Eli turned toward Ethan once more and Leanne couldn't help but chuckle when he gripped the older man's cheeks gently between his palms. "Please?"

"Of course we can." He said softly, offering the boy a smile.

Eli threw his arms around Ethan's neck once more and Leanne felt her heart swell at the image in front of her.

She was slowly becoming more and more open to the idea of this man being a part of their lives.

Especially when she saw how happy it made her son.

"How about this? I'll swing by early and we can all go out for breakfast together?" Ethan's eyes shifted toward hers and she couldn't help but smile down at him. "Then we'll work on that bike. That sound okay?"

"Mom?" Eli turned his attention toward her, his eyes bright and his smile wide. "Can we?"

"That sounds fine." She nodded her head softly as she offered the boy a smile.

There was no way she was going to say 'no' to that face. Not after everything the boy had been through.

And not after everything Ethan had been through too.

"Yay!" Eli squeezed his arms around Ethan's neck once more and she felt tears spring to her eyes.

She couldn't cry over this. Not now. Not with Ethan right there in front of her.

"But for now," Ethan pulled back from the boy and ran a hand over his curls, ruffling them slightly, "I hear you need to get some sleep."

"Yeah." The boy nodded his head softly, his head turning toward her once more. "Can I at least take my book to bed with me?"

"I suppose that would be fine." She knew that he would probably stay up all night looking at that dinosaur book, but she didn't care. "What do you say to Ethan?"

"Thank you." He hugged him once more, burying his face against Ethan's neck as the man stood, lifting him into his arms in one quick motion. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome buddy." Ethan pressed another kiss to his head and Leanne's heart stopped in her chest. "Happy Birthday."

"Thank you." Eli whispered against his shoulder before wiggling himself down to the ground. "Goodnight Ethan."

She couldn't help but smile as the boy waved at him as he headed up the stairs, his dinosaur book tucked under his arm, a sleepy smile on his face.

"Goodnight Eli." Ethan waved back, his eyes soft as he watched the boy make his way up to his room.

They stood in silence until they heard his bedroom door shut and then she turned her attention back toward the man at the front door.

"Is everything really okay Ethan?" She got the feeling that something was bothering him and it was making her heart hurt.

"Yeah." He shoved his hands in the pockets of his pants and closed his eyes briefly. "I'm really sorry for missing today."

She watched as he reopened his eyes and let them scan around the small room.

She could see the regret there, the way he blinked multiple times in an attempt to keep himself from losing it.

"It's okay." She reached out and squeezed his arm gently.

She hoped that he understood that she knew that he hadn't done any of this on purpose.

"No it's not." He whispered. His eyes darkened as he locked them with hers. "I let him down. I let you both down. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I know." She reached her hand upward this time, cupping his cheek gently against her palm as she took a step forward. "It's okay."

He nodded his head softly instead of speaking and he turned his attention away from her as he swallowed.

She let her hand fall from his cheek, running it down his chest with a soft sigh. She stopped her motions when she heard him let out what almost sounded like a whimper.

She didn't realize that she had such an effect on him.

It was both endearing and terrifying.

"Would you like to stay for a little while?" She whispered her question as she watched him take a deep breath.

Part of her prayed he'd say 'yes'. Part of her wanted to crawl into bed with him right then and there.

But there was still a part of her that wanted him to say 'no'. That wanted him to walk away and not look back.

The first part of her was growing exponentially while the second part of her shrank dramatically.

She was so tired of being at war with herself.

"I don't think that's a good idea." He whispered.

She wasn't entirely sure why he thought it was a bad idea.

But then she caught sight of his eyes and she understood.

He wasn't in a good place and it was showing.

He was liable to do something they would both regret in the morning.

She swallowed as she nodded her head, her hand falling from his chest.

"Oh. Okay." She felt her heart start to race in her chest.

She wanted him to stay and do bad things to her.

She wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his lips on her skin.

She was hurting too and she wanted him to comfort her.

But she knew that the type of comfort she was seeking was likely going to be very different than the comfort he was willing to give.

He was a man after all.

"I'll see you guys in the morning." His voice was shaky and she watched as he turned toward the front door, opening it slowly. "I'll swing by around 8:00am."

"Okay." She watched as he made his way out onto the front porch, a sad look on his face. "We'll see you then."

He gave her one last soft look, his eyes softening as he reached out to squeeze her hand.

And then he was gone, his long legs carrying him toward his Jeep.

She watched as he backed out of the driveway and made his way down the street.

It wasn't until he turned the corner and the vehicle disappeared from her sight that she realized that she was crying.

And it absolutely broke her heart.

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